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Modern Families

Grandma explains why 'little secrets' between kids and grandparents aren't cute

"Don't tell mommy," sounds harmless. It's not.

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A grandma says grandparents should never say "Don't tell mommy"

Conflict between parents and grandparents seems to be at an all-time high. There's always been friction there due to different parenting styles and generational points of view. But lately, our culture is changing so fast that the divide seems greater than ever. Parents gripe that grandparents aren't doing enough babysitting, while the grandparents are still working and struggling to make ends meet. Grandparents don't like how much screentime their grandchildren are getting while parents are completely overwhelmed and just treading water most days.

One big source of conflict is whether grandparents are willing to respect and follow rules that parents have established, even if they might not agree with them. For example, most parents want grandma and grandpa to mind their kids' bedtime if they're babysitting or not go overboard with sugary treats. It's very easy for a grandparent to bend these rules with three simple words: "Don't tell Mommy!"

One grandma has sparked a fierce debate with her strong opinion on the matter: Little secrets between kids and grandparents aren't cute, they're dangerous.

grandparents, grandma, grandpa, parenting, kids, family, dads, moms, fatherhood, motherhood, teens, parenting tips, grandparenting tips"If you can't do it openly, don't do it." Photo by Ekaterina Shakharova on Unsplash

Dee Dee More offers advice and tips for new grandparents who want to excel in their role and, as she puts it, "be more than grand." In one recent video, she explained why "Don't tell Mommy" is something grandparents should never find themselves saying.

“Don’t be the grandparent who teaches your grandchild their first lesson in deception,” she says. “Let me be clear: asking grandchildren to keep secrets from their parents crosses a line that should never be crossed.”

“Picture this: you give your grandchild an extra cookie and say ‘Don’t tell mommy!’ Seems harmless, doesn’t it? It’s not,” she goes on. “‘Don’t tell Mommy’ is literally asking a child to lie to their parents. Children need to know that they can tell their parents anything, and you’ve just taught them the opposite. You’re also undermining the parent child relationship. A child’s safety can depend on open communication with their parents. Encouraging secret-keeping is exactly how predators operate; you don’t want to normalize that."

To be clear, she's not saying that asking a child to keep secrets about extra dessert from their parents is predator-like behavior. But parents work extremely hard to make sure their kids feel safe to tell them anything, anything. We want them to feel like they can tell us if someone hurts them, or to know they can call us one day when they've had too much to drink instead of getting in the car.

This small gesture, though relatively well-intentioned, can undermine that process.

“The key is simple: respect parents’ rules. If you can’t do something openly, don’t do it at all. Your relationship with your grandchild should strengthen their family bonds, not weaken them."

@morethangrand

That 'harmless' request to keep a secret? It's not harmless at all. Here's what every grandparent needs to understand about why secrets from parents are never okay. Teaching children that they should keep secrets from their parents: 🔴Undermines trust between parent and child 🟢Creates confusion about honesty 🔵Mirrors predatory behavior patterns 🔴Weakens family communication Instead of secret-keeping, try transparent communication with the parents about boundaries and special treats. Remember: If you can't do it openly, don't do it at all. For more ways to create healthy connection with your grandchild, sign up for our weekly emails from the link on my page! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting

Parents and grandparents alike chimed in to hard-agree with More's sentiment. Her words clearly seemed to strike a nerve with people on both sides of the parent-grandparent relationship.

The video was viewed over 30 thousand times on TikTok. Here are a few of the best comments:

"Granny here. Thank you for this. Safe adults do NOT ask children to keep secrets."

"I'm glad this is being talked about. I think people generally have good hearts, but they need to realize how damaging this is."

"And a grandparent who has an issue with this or says that the parent is being ridiculous, they are not safe people!!!"

"If you can’t do something openly don’t do it at all"

"you also make them believe the parent are going to be furious with the kid instead of the grandparent for something the grandparent did"

"My inlaws told my child not to tell me that they drove him without a carseat (in the front seat no less) and as a result have not been left alone with any of my kids since. It is unsafe for the child, and also for your relationship with your adult child."

More's video also raised bigger questions about how families should handle secrets and "lies of omission."


@morethangrand

With Easter coming up, grandparents may need a reminder that filling an Easter basket is not their job. Parents get to do all the fun firsts with their children--just as you did. Do they want your help? Maybe! So ask them! Don't just show up with an Easter basket, and claim the Easter bunny dropped it off at your house. What do you think? Should grandparents get to have the fun of the "firsts" with their grandchildren? #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting

Several commenters chimed in that they teach their kids about "fun secrets" or "surprises" and how those are different than bad secrets. For example, we're not going to tell Mommy what we got her for her birthday. That's a fun secret, or a surprise. The key element of a surprise is that it's not meant to stay hidden forever; it's meant to be shared when the time is right.

Hiding something because we're afraid of the repercussions is very different.

And, by the way, it's not just grandparents who do this. Even parents themselves do it. Dads let the kids watch an R-rated movie and say "Don't tell Mommy." Mom lets the kids off the hook for an agreed-upon consequence and winks, "Don't tell Daddy." It undermines trust and safety no matter what adult is doing it.

There are gray areas, though, and it's not always clear cut. Part of helping your kid learn to trust that they can tell you anything is letting them know that you won't go and blab about it. It's not so much about secrets, or surprises, but everyone's right to privacy—even children. If my daughter wants to keep puberty-related conversations between her and her mom, she has that right, and I trust both of them to let me know what I need to know.

It's complicated, and it's easy to overthink every little thing.

"The key is to stay in the area between over-thinking and being thoughtless," More explained. "Thinking before we do something is usually the best way to go!"

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This kindergarten class wrote a spring song, and it’s the sweetest thing you’ll hear today

When children get the chance to create, they make magic.

Photo credit: Canva

A delightful ode to creating magic.

In a heartwarming TikTok video that’s making waves across the Internet, a class of young children perform the original song they wrote to honor the beginning of spring. “This is a song we wrote together as a class,” teacher Rodney Tristan (a singer-songwriter based in Seattle, Washington), explains before strumming a few chords and leading the class in their charming performance.

It’s a delightful ode to spring, with lyrics like, "When it is spring, we'll be outside with smiles so wide" and "When it is spring, we'll be outside, we'll play in the sun." They class sings with wide-eyed enthusiasm, their faces beaming with pride.

The power of creative jamming

The heartwarming performance isn’t the only thing that makes this video special. It’s the collaborative process behind it, the fact that this piece of art could happen with input from everyone in the class. When children create together, whether that’s song, story, acting, painting, dance, or other art, they develop crucial life skills and lay the groundwork for a fulfilling adult life later on.

Soviet psychologist Lev Vygotsky (1896-1934) researched children’s learning in social and cultural contexts, particularly the importance of social interactions in a child’s cognitive development. According to Vygotsky’s 2004 paper, “Imagination and Creativity in Childhood,” he believed that creativity comes alive whenever human activity produces something new—from something as grand as a symphony, to a rock with googly eyes glued onto it. He also believed that creativity is a gift that exists in all people—not just adults, but very young children, too.

"Creativity is scientifically linked to cognitive, emotional, and social development in children. Creativity arises from accumulating diverse experiences, enabling children to synthesize ideas and make novel discoveries." - Lev Vygotsky

Vygotsky would have absolutely loved the children’s song to spring since it exemplifies the collaborative creativity he championed. By working together on the lyrics and then performing it for an audience, these kids were having more than fun: without even knowing it, they were building neural pathways for critical thinking and adaptability.

Brain, neurons, synapses, firing, creativityCreating leads to neural pathways for critical thinking. Photo by Hal Gatewood on Unsplash


It’s about the journey, not final product

Another thing that's absolutely beautiful about this video is the fact that teacher Tristan highlights that this song was a collective effort—a project whose joys lie not with the performance itself, but with writing, practicing, and collaborating on the song as active creators.

This highlights the difference between "process art" and "product art." While "product art" is all about skill development (adults give step-by-step instructions with the expectation that they will be followed directly), "process art" centers around the creative experience. This type of creativity allows the child to create with little to no direction and allows space for self-discovery and freedom. The process becomes relaxed and free of pressure, giving the child the opportunity to enjoy creating and to feel proud of their efforts no matter how the final piece turns out.


Music, children, creativity, process, growing upIt's all about enjoying the process. Photo credit: Canva

Creative expression and its early childhood power

When kids create art together, the limits are boundless. A cardboard box becomes a rocket ship. The inside of a family home can turn into a prestigious art gallery with just enough imagination. What sounds like gibberish to adults could be an entirely new language for kids. When children engage their brains and practice creativity, they:

  • Develop problem-learning skills through experimentation
  • Learn to express their complex emotions in healthy ways
  • Practice collaboration and negotiation
  • Start to build confidence in their skills, abilities, and ideas
  • Experience the universal joy of creating something unique and original

The Learning Through Play initiative notes, "Creativity is instinctive in children—and just as essential in adults. Children flex it instinctively: everything is new to them and they spend every waking second working—and playing—hard at connecting the dots between their experiences, ideas, and imagination."

Nurturing creativity at home

Child, art, creating, creativity, artwork. Fostering a creative space starts at home. Photo credit: Canva

Are you inspired by this delightful classroom collaboration? According to the Kids Care Club, here are ways that parents, teachers, and others can encourage creativity in the young ones around them:

  1. Ask open-ended questions that prompt them to think deeply and imaginatively.
    1. “What do you think would happen if…?”
    2. “How else could we solve this problem?”
    3. “Can you think of a different way to use this object?”
  2. Create an environment that encourages exploration
    1. Open-ended play areas with diverse, fun materials
    2. Displaying their art and creative projects with pride
    3. Making art supplies, building blocks, and dress-up clothes readily available
    4. Creating cozy spaces for reading and imaginative play
    5. Allow for unstructured playtime
  3. Encourage process over product
    1. Praise effort and innovative thinking rather than just the final product
    2. Encourage children to explain their creative choices
    3. Provide opportunities for children to revisit and refine their creations
  4. Add in music and movement
    1. Daily music sessions with singing and dancing
    2. Providing instruments for exploration and creation
    3. Encouraging children to create their own songs or dance routines
  5. Think outside of the box
    1. Use storytelling and dramatic play
    2. Limit screen time
    3. Embrace nature.

The creative process is messy with children and adults. So the next time you’re tempted to remind your child to “color inside the lines” or “play the correct way,” try taking a step back. It might be time to present them with the gift of creating something truly their own, or collaboratively, like this inspiring classroom so beautifully did. The results might surprise you.

Kid, children, pointing, having fun, kids Who knows? Your kid might surprise you.Giphy

Humor

Mom shares the nightmarish 'doll' her 5-year-old sleeps with every night

The monsters won't be bothering her, that's for sure.

By Universal Pictures - Fair use & Canva Photos

A 5-year-old is going viral for sleeping with a horrifying Chucky doll every night.

Almost all kids will sleep with a comfort item like a lovey, stuffed animal, or special blanket for the first few years of their life. The official name for them is transitional objects. They've been shown to bring comfort to kids who form a strong attachment to them, and this process is extremely healthy and promotes good self-esteem in growing kids while fighting off separation anxiety. So, there's nothing wrong if your kid wants to keep snuggling his favorite stuffy for years and years! Many adults still keep theirs from childhood, too.

The attachment can be incredibly powerful. Some kids rotate through a roster of different stuffed animals, picking a new one every night, but some absolutely can not spend a moment apart from their favorite transitional object. For my kids, it's always been loveys (half stuffed animal, half small blanket). Other kids might make more, uh, non-traditional choices.

One little girl is going viral after her mom shared a video of her snuggling the most nightmarish, horrifying doll you could possibly imagine: Chucky, of Child's Play fame.

kids, moms, parenting, parents, children, funny, humor, chucky, child's playShe doesn't just snuggle Chucky; she sleeps with the most terrifying version of him!By SYFY - Fair use

Katelyn McCormick-Nevin works in special effects makeup, so her daughter Georgia grew up being around scary things all the time. The family would particularly go all out for Halloween, McCormick-Nevin told Newsweek, but mom was always cooking up some kind of gruesome design or another year-round. Georgie grew up loving famous horror characters like Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers, to name a few.

But McCormick-Nevin just had to share Georgia's current attachment with the world. So, she took to TikTok and posted a clip:

"Is there any other 5 year old girl in the world that sleeps with a life size Chucky Doll?? Or is it just mine ..." she captioned the post.

In the clip, Georgia can be seen snuggling not just a realistic Chucky doll, but the most horrific version of Chucky. This is Chucky toward the end of the movies when he's been battered and beaten and has finished hacking up a bunch of the protagonists. Just see his bloody, nightmarish face for yourself:

@katelynnevin

The other Teddy’s sitting there like 🤨🤨 #fyp #foryou #daughter #babytok #trending #viralvideos #weird #obsession #Chucky #chuckydoll #dolls #stuffedanimals #abcxyz #xyzabc #momsontiktok

Despite Chucky's appearance, Georgia isn't fazed. The video shows her sleeping peacefully, knowing she's safe next to the fictitious vicious murderer.

The short clip was viewed nearly 800 thousand times, and commenters were endlessly tickled by Georgia's choice:

"At least you know she’s protected when she’s sleeping"

"he makes her feel safe and she knows no monster is a match. Love it"

"I used to ask for a Chucky doll when I was little, would always get told I’d get one but nobody ever got one for me :(. Your daughter is living my younger dream"

"That kid has no fear"

A few commenters had jokes:

"Then you hear: Mommy Chucky says he doesn't like you"

"She'll scare [off] robbers ... robber be like: 'Heck nah, nope nope, we're leaving'"

kids, moms, parenting, parents, children, funny, humor, chucky, child's playChucky says goodnight.SYFY via Giphy

The five-year-old isn't the only kid to choose an unusual or even bizarre transitional object.

There are no rules as to what will bring a child comfort. These objects don't even need to be soft or cuddly! Kids have been known to cling to water bottles, old cell phones, silverware, and even dead bugs. Once the emotional imprinting happens and the object begins to ease their separation anxiety, the bond is formed.

As for why a kid would choose something so objectively frightening, who knows? I wonder if it's the same reason some kids are fascinated by roadkill and graveyards—it's a way of facing their fear of death or monsters or uncertainty. In Georgia's case, it sure helped that she has a mom with a flair for creepy visual effects. Commenters on the post shared that their own kids had morbid tastes, too, choosing to sleep with dolls like Pennywise the clown or the ever-creepy Annabelle.

Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night!

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Humor

Man 'corrects' a female golfer's swing, completely clueless than she's a PGA pro

This is the most embarrassing interaction you'll see all day.

Representative Image from Canva
A man tried to tell a pro golfer she was swing too slow.

We’re all probably familiar with the term “mansplaining,” when a man explains something to a woman in a condescending or patronizing way. Often, this comes in the form of a man explaining a subject to a woman that she already knows on an expert level. The female neuroscientist who was told by a man that she should read a research paper she actually wrote comes to mind.

Often, mansplaining can show up in small interactions that minimize or infantilize a woman's knowledge and expertise. It can be a man spouting off facts because he thinks it makes him seem interesting, or giving unsolicited fitness advice at the gym in a poorly disguised flirting attempt. But sometimes the irony at play is just too much to bear. Frankly, it's often delicious.

Recently some next-level mansplaining was caught in the wild. Well, at a golf driving range anyway. Georgia Ball, a professional golfer and coach who’s racked up over 3 million likes on TikTok for all her tips and tricks of the sport, was minding her own business while practicing a swing change.

It takes all of two seconds on Google to see that when it comes to incorporating a swing change, golfers need to swing slower, at 50-75% their normal speed…which is what Ball was doing.

And this is what prompted some man to insert his “advice.”

In the clip, we hear the man say “What you are doing there … you shouldn’t be doing that.”

Exhibiting the patience of a nun, Ball simply tells him that she’s going through a swing change.

But her attempts at reason are unfortunately interrupted, multiple times, when the man repeatedly assures her that since he’s been playing golf for 20 years, he knows what he’s talking about.

He then insists, repeatedly cutting her off, that she’s going too slow on her swing and should be following through.

Cue Ball’s incredulous look to the camera.

Watch the whole, cringe-inducing interaction here:

@georgiagolfcoach

Can you believe he said this? 😳⛳️👀 #golf #golfswing #golflife #golftok #golftiktok #golfer #golfing #golfgirl #golfpro #golftips #golfclub #drivingrange

Hoping to appease him, Ball finally gives a hearty swing, writing “I knew I had to make this a good one” on the onscreen text.

As the ball sails through the air, the man says “see how much better that was?", completely taking credit for her swing.

Yes. Really. He really said that.

Poor Ball then tries to tell him that even the “best players in the world” slow down their swing when going through a swing change. And she'd know. Not only is she a golf coach, she's a certified PGA professional.

“No, I understand what you’re saying, but I’ve been playing golf for 20 years,” the man repeats. At this point Ball is just “trying to keep it together.”

mansplaining, golf, swing change golf, humor, golfing, sports, athletes, female athletes, womens sports, sexismWomen don't need unsolicited male advice, not on the golf course, not at the gym, not anywhere. Photo by Benny Hassum on Unsplash

Sure, this guy might have not known who Ball was, but it’s pretty evident that the last thing she needed was this guy’s “advice.” And thus, the “mansplaining” jokes commend in the comments section.

Here’s a small sampling:

“As a guy, this is the first time I’ve ever seen ‘mansplaining’ happen.”

“The way he took credit for your next swing.”

“But did you consider that he’s been playing golf for 20 years?”

“*implement nothing he says* ‘See how much better that was’ HAHAHAHAH.”

“My hope is that he comes across this video and it keeps him up at night."

Others couldn’t help but praise Ball for keeping her cool.

“He doesn’t even give you a chance to explain, just forces his opinion and advice onto you. Goon on you for staying calm and polite,” one person wrote.

Of course, others felt Ball was being “too nice” to the man. One even exclaimed, “there’s no reason to be so polite!”

Ball told BBC that it wouldn't be in her nature to shut the man down harshly, even if that's what he deserved. ""I wouldn't interrupt and say that," she says. "I suppose it's just the humble side of me."


@georgiagolfcoach

Play a hole with me ⛳️🏌🏽‍♂️25mph wind 🤯🤣 #golf #golftiktok #golftok #golfer #golfswing #golfing #golflife #golftips #golfcourse #golfclub #golfgirl #golfdrills #playaholewithme #golfpro

Perhaps worst of all, this kind of behavior is pretty common, especially for female athletes. A fellow female golfer even commented “So glad you posted this because it is my BIGGEST frustration when I’m at the driving range. Unfortunately, men always feel the need to comment on my swing or want to coach me. Guys take note: Please don’t.”

On the bright side: as annoying as it is that Ball had to endure that (not to mention what it says about the very real b.s. that women in general have to put up with on the regular) she laughed it off and just went on about her life being awesome at what she does. Just like the other smart, capable women of the world. It’s almost like…maybe women don’t need advice, so much as they need respect? Now there’s a concept.

But for her part, Ball isn't holding onto any grudges over the incident.

"I have a lot of interaction with males and females every single day [on the course]. And I'd say it's mostly always positive," she says. "I'm just glad I can look back at it now and laugh about it because the majority of people and golfers are all just out to help each other."

This article originally appeared last year.

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