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Health

Please read this before you post another RIP on social media

There is a hierarchy of grief and it's important to know where you fall on it before posting about someone's death.

social media, grief, death, mental health
Image from GOOD.

Working through grief is a community thing.


Grieving in the technology age is uncharted territory.

I'll take you back to Saturday, June 9, 2012. At 8:20 a.m., my 36-year-old husband was pronounced dead at a hospital just outside Washington, D.C.

By 9:20 a.m., my cellphone would not stop ringing or text-alerting me long enough for me to make the necessary calls that I needed to make: people like immediate family, primary-care doctors to discuss death certificates and autopsies, funeral homes to discuss picking him up, and so on. Real things, important things, time-sensitive, urgent things.

At 9:47 a.m., while speaking to a police officer (because yes, when your spouse dies, you must be questioned by the police immediately), one call did make it through. I didn't recognize the number. But in those moments, I knew I should break my normal rule and answer all calls. "He's dead??? Oh my God. Who's with you? Are you OK? Why am I reading this on Facebook? Taya, what the heck is going on?"

Facebook? I was confused. I hadn't been on Facebook since the day before, so I certainly hadn't taken the time in the last 90 minutes to peek at the site.

"I'll call you back", I screamed and hung up. I called my best friend and asked her to search for anything someone might have written and to contact them immediately and demand they delete it. I still hadn't spoken to his best friend, or his godsister, or our godchild's parents, or a million other people! Why would someone post it to Facebook SO FAST?

While I can in no way speak for the entire planet, I certainly feel qualified to propose some suggestions — or, dare I say, rules — for social media grieving.

How many RIPs have you seen floating through your social media stream over the last month? Probably a few. Death is a fate that we will each meet at some point. The Information Age has changed the ways in which we live and communicate daily, yet there are still large voids in universally accepted norms.

This next statement is something that is impossible to understand unless you've been through it:

There is a hierarchy of grief.

Yes, a hierarchy. It's something people either don't understand or understand but don't want to think or talk about — yet we must.

There is a hierarchy of grief.

Hierarchy is defined as:

  1. a system or organization in which people or groups are ranked one above the other according to status or authority, and
  2. an arrangement or classification of things according to relative importance or inclusiveness.

What does this mean as it relates to grief? Let me explain. When someone dies — whether suddenly or after a prolonged illness, via natural causes or an unnatural fate, a young person in their prime or an elderly person with more memories behind them than ahead — there is one universal truth : The ripples of people who are affected is vast and, at times, largely unknown to all other parties.

A death is always a gut punch with varying degrees of force and a reminder of our own mortality. Most people are moved to express their love for the deceased by showing their support to the family and friends left behind.

In the days before social media, these expressions came in the form of phone calls, voicemail messages, and floral deliveries.

If you were lucky enough to be in close proximity to the family of the newly deceased, there were visits that came wrapped with hugs and tears, and deliveries of food and beverages to feed all the weary souls.

Insert social media. All of those courtesies still occur, but there is a new layer of grief expression — the online tribute in the form of Facebook posts, Instagram photo collages, and short tweets.

What's the problem with that? Shouldn't people be allowed to express their love, care, concern, support, and prayers for the soul of the recently deceased and for their family?

Yes.

And no.

Why? Because there are no established "rules," and people have adopted their own. This isn't breaking news, and you're not trying to scoop TMZ. Listen, I know you're hurt. Guess what? Me too. I know you're shocked. Guess what? Me too. Your social media is an extension of who you are. I get it. You "need" to express your pain, acknowledge your relationship with the deceased, and pray for the family.

Yes.

However...

Please give us a minute.

We are shocked.

We are heartbroken.

Give the immediate family or circle a little time to handle the immediate and time-sensitive "business" related to death. In the minutes and early hours after someone passes away, social media is most likely the last thing on their minds. And even if it does cross their mind, my earlier statement comes into play here.

There is a hierarchy of grief.

Please pause and consider your role and relationship to the newly deceased. Remember, hierarchy refers to your status and your relative importance to the deceased. I caution you to wait and then wait a little longer before posting anything. This may seem trivial, silly, and not worth talking about, but I promise you it isn't.

If the person is married, let the spouse post first.

If the person is "young" and single, let the partner, parents, or siblings post first.

If the person is "old" and single, let the children post first.

If you can't identify the family/inner circle of the person, you probably shouldn't be posting at all.

Do you get where I'm going with this?

In theory, we should never compare grief levels, cast the grief-stricken survivors into roles, or use words like status and importance. But maybe we need to at this moment (and for the next few weeks and months).

The "RIP" posts started hitting my timeline about an hour after my husband's death, and I certainly didn't start them. This created a sense of confusion, fear, anxiety, panic, dread, and shock for the people who knew me, too. What's wrong? Who are we praying for? Did something happen? Did someone pass? Why are there RIPs on your wall and I can't reach you? Call me please! What's going on?

That's a small sample of messages on my voicemail and text inbox. I had to take a minute in the midst of it all to ask a friend to post a status to my Facebook page on my behalf.

Your love and expressions of support are appreciated and needed, but they can also be ill-timed and create unintended additional stress.

The person is no less dead and your sympathy no less heartfelt if your post, photo, or tweet is delayed by a few hours. Honestly, the first couple of hours are shocking, and many things are a blur. Most bereaved people will be able to truly appreciate your love, concern, prayers, and gestures after the first 24 hours.

I've learned this from the inside — twice within the last four years. And I assure you that if we each adopted a little patience and restraint in this area, we would help those who are in the darkest hours of their lives by not adding an unnecessary layer of stress.

A few extra hours could make all the difference.


This article originally appeared on 05.07.19

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Pop Culture

Born between 1954 and 1965? You might be thrilled to learn you're not a Boomer. You're 'Gen Jones.'

These not-quite-Gen Xers shares some pretty cool and unique traits.

Photo credits: Michelle Obama, Montclair Film, Georges Biard

Michelle Obama, Stephen Colbert and Michelle Yeoh are all Gen Jonesers.

The Silent Generation. Baby boomers. Gen X. Millennials. Gen Z. Gen Alpha. Social science and pop culture commentators have spent decades grouping and analyzing the different generations, assigning various qualities, habits and tendencies to each age group. But some people don’t identify with their generation, or at least these particular categories of them. Those on the cusp between two generations often feel like neither aligns with who they are..

That’s where Generation Jones comes in.

Like the Xennials that straddle Gen X and millennials, Generation Jones are not quite boomers but not quite Gen X. For most of their lives, those born between 1954 and 1965 have been lumped in with the baby boomers, but culturally they’ve never quite fit.

generation jones, boomers, gen x, generational humor, best generationKeanu Reeves is a Gen Joneser. That's how you know it's the best generation. media4.giphy.com

They were too young to be involved in the major civil rights, women’s liberation and Vietnam war movements of the 60s, instead witnessing those social upheavals through children’s eyes. But they were also too old to identify with the Gen X latchkey kid angst.

Jonathan Pontell is the television producer, director, and writer who named Generation Jones and explained what made them unique. “We fill the space between Woodstock and Lollapalooza, between the Paris student riots and the anti-globalisation protests, and between Dylan going electric and Nirvana going unplugged,” he wrote in Politico in 2009.

He also explained why Gen Jonesers make good leaders:

generation jones, boomers, gen x, generational humor, best generation, generational differences, history“What makes us Jonesers also makes us uniquely positioned to bring about a new era in international affairs."

“What makes us Jonesers also makes us uniquely positioned to bring about a new era in international affairs. Our practical idealism was created by witnessing the often unrealistic idealism of the 1960s. And we weren’t engaged in that era’s ideological battles; we were children playing with toys while Boomers argued over issues. Our non-ideological pragmatism allows us to resolve intra-Boomer skirmishes and to bridge that volatile Boomer-GenXer divide. We can lead.”

Many Generation Jonesers have never felt like they had a generational home and are thrilled to learn they actually do have one. Check out how Upworthy readers responded with glee upon discovering they were a part of Gen Jones:

"Thank you! As a definite Gen Jones, I completely relate to this. Too young to be a hippy, therefore was never a yuppy, but too old to be Gen X. Gen Jones works just fine."

generation jones, boomers, gen x, generational humor, best generation, generational differences, historyIt's nice to finally belong. Upworthy Facebook

"I have said for decades that I must be a transitional person into Gen X, because I don’t relate to boomers! I appreciate them, but I am not one of them. I am glad someone finally named my generation!"

"There are definite differences between people born in the 1940s/1950s and those of us born in the early 1960s. Most of us born in the early 1960s do not remember the JFK assassination and we were much too young to participate in Woodstock. The older Boomers were already established in their careers and as homeowners with families in the 1980s when we were in our 20s just starting out and ready to buy our first home. While the older Boomers experienced reasonable mortgage interest rates, the early 1960s Boomers faced mortgage interest rates averaging 14 percent in the 1980s which made it more difficult for us to buy our first home. We definitely need an additional group between Boomers and Gen X, and Generation Jones fits the bill."

"I was born 6 days before 1960…. I’ve felt out of touch with a lot of the boomer life descriptions, and not Gen X enough to fit in there. I’ll take Generation Jones."

generation jones, boomers, gen x, generational humor, best generation, generational differences, historyTen points to Gen Jones.Upworthy Facebook

"1957 here, with older siblings born before 1950. I definitely did not have the same experience growing up that they had. I feel I can identify a little with Boomers and a little with the Gen X experience, so there’s some overlap. (BTW, Gen X needs to stop claiming that they’re the first to have experienced all the things we grew up with. Kids, you didn’t invent drinking out of the garden hose or playing outside until the streetlights came on. Sheesh!) Glad to be a Joneser."

"Of course there is a difference between people raised in the 1950’s and people raised and coming of age in the 1960’s and 1970’s. Society changed a lot in those three decades."

"This is my generation but I never knew we had a name! The description fits perfectly."

Congrats on finding your people, Gen Jones. It's your time to shine.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Pop Culture

25 incredibly satisfying things you can say to phone scammers instead of just hanging up

"Does your mother know that you steal for a living?"

Photo credit: Canva

25 things you can say to phone scammers that wastes their time as much as yours.

An estimated 56 million US adults were reported as being affected by scam robocalls, resulting in $25.4 billion in losses, according to a 2023 Truecaller U.S. Spam and Scam Report. This means that about 21% of US adults were victimized by phone scams in 2023 alone.

Surprisingly, the report also found that, despite the stereotype of seniors being the biggest victims of phone scams, young adults between the ages 18-44 were three times more likely to be taken advantage of than older adults 45 and up.

And while you can thwart these types of calls simply by hanging up (or downloading robocall blocker apps to avoid them entirely), many choose instead to enact very creative revenge.

This is evident in the 15K+ answers folks gave to the question posed on Reddit: “What is something you say to scammers instead of hanging up?”

What is something you say to scammers instead of hanging up?
by inAskReddit

Did these folks waste their time? Maybe, but at least they were plenty entertained along the way. Plus, it meant the scammers had less time preying on other potential victims.

Below were some of the responses we found the funniest, most unique, and in some cases, most savage. Enjoy, and maybe bookmark a few to use for yourself.

1. “I once repeated ‘uh huh, go on..’ over and over until they got really irritated and then just hung up on me.”

2. "My grandfather let them do their whole speech for about 20 minutes. He then told them he didn't have his hearing aid in and asked if they could repeat it all. They hung up immediately."

phone scams, robocall, robocall blocker, roboblock, cyberfraudFrom 'Gente-fied'media1.giphy.com

3. “I once saw caller ID (land line days) with a number that I figured was a telemarketer. In a ‘tough’ voice, without saying hello I asked, ‘Is he dead?’ And about a beat and a half later I said, ‘Because if he ain’t dead, don’t you even think about coming back here.’ Then what sounded like a young woman on the other end said, ‘Um, uh, uh Bye!’ Hope she had as much fun telling her friends as I had telling mine.”

4. "Scammer was Indian, I'm Indian, I put on my Indian accent then accused him of putting on a bad fake Indian accent to make fun of me and told him he should be ashamed of himself. It was a few seconds of fun."

5. “I asked, ‘does your mother know that you steal for a living?’ He responded, ‘yes.’ I hadn't planned on that.

6. "Just start chanting in Latin. Most hang up quickly. One begged me not to curse her family."

7. “We have a Rick Roll extension. We forward them to it after telling them about the brief hold and then check the recording length the next day to see if they’ve beaten the record.”

phone scams, robocall, robocall blocker, roboblock, cyberfraudFrom 'Never Gonna Give You Up'media4.giphy.com

8. "You've reached the FBI telephone fraud division, how may I help you?"

9. "’Hi, We have been trying to reach you about your car's warranty.’ ‘Thats great, what plans can you offer me on my 97 geo metro? I've only been in 6 wrecks.’ They usually just give up.”

10. "I once got a scammer to say ‘I love you too.’ It was one of those resort/vacation calls and I kept him in the line for his whole spiel. When he asked who else would be vacationing with me, I asked if he would go with me. I was like, ‘It will save on airfare because you're already there.’ Ended up with him saying he had to end the call and I was like, ‘Okay. I love you.’ And he reflexively goes ‘I love you too.’ The high point of my life."

11. “If they are calling about windows and doors, I tell them I live in a tent. ‘You are calling a tent, did you know this?’ If they call about HVAC, I tell them I live in a castle, and we heat it in the wintertime by burning witches.”

12. "’Mr. Smashing Stuff, I'm calling about an accident you were involved in that wasn't your fault.’ ‘Oh it wasn't an accident, I meant to hurt those people.’ The pause you get before being immediately escalated to a 'manager' is like a crack to me."

phone scams, robocall, robocall blocker, roboblock, cyberfraudFrom 'Austin Powers'media4.giphy.com

13. “I give them a phone number one digit at a time and ask them to repeat it as a whole after each one. Then tell them they got it wrong when I'm done and start over.”

14. "I have two things I do. 1) I try to sell them WiFi. I personally have nothing to do with internet services. But I can guarantee that my services are the cheapest in town and seeing as how you called me you must be interested. Now before you think ‘man I’m really not gonna get as good a deal as I’d like.’ I can promise no buffers and high-quality streaming at a fraction. Yes, you heard it a fraction of what you currently are paying, if you just give me your first and last name we can get the ball rolling. No one has ever lasted that one. 2) in a very heavy southern accent. ‘Now the lord spoke to me today and he told me that I’d be bringing another one of his lambs that had been led astray back into the flock, I’m gonna open this conversation with a prayer real quick.’ Most people hang up. Some and very few last through my 10-minute prayer. After that, I go straight into asking about their addictions and why the lord is telling me about how their browser history is causing demons to enter their home."

15. "Is this what you wanted to be when you grew up?"

16. “I used to get a lot of ‘home security’ calls offering alarm systems and cameras. I would of course ask all the curious questions and then lead them to believe I was using the alarm system and cameras to keep people inside the house.”

phone scams, robocall, robocall blocker, roboblock, cyberfraudFrom 'The Diplomat'media1.giphy.com

17. "Me - do you believe in our lord and savior Jesus Christ? Them - yes. Me - he wants you to quit calling."

18. "My new thing is to heavily troll them for as long as possible. If they're going to waste my time with endless calls, well then I'm going to do the same. Here's a good one - I recently encountered a very low-tech health insurance scam that used an actual phone line and not a spoof. I called them back literally over 1000 times for two days straight and eventually got to the main person. He actually pleaded for me to stop calling and apologized profusely, lol it was very satisfying."

19. “I tell them my mother said to me not to talk to strangers and ask them to call me on FaceTime.”

20. "I can't talk right now, I'm actually here to rob the place."

phone scams, robocall, robocall blocker, roboblock, cyberfraudA robber on a mission.media4.giphy.com

21. "HELLO, caller number two! You’re on with The Sturge at numbitty 902 WA3DFM. What do you have to say about the Lizard Illuminati?”

22. “I get calls for Duct cleaning. When they ask I ask if they do chickens or geese too.”

23. "I pretend to be the dumbest guy in the world. Them - ‘You should update your home's security’ Me - ‘Like how?’ Them - ‘A camera on the front door is a good st..’ Me (interrupts) - ‘Front door? My front door is on the side of my house. How will that work? Do you have a side door camera?’ Them - ‘Yes sir of course. We have many dif…’ Me (interrupts again) - ‘PHEW! I have looked for so long for a side front door camera salesman. You, sir, are my savior. Are you married?’”

24. “I take a deep breath and let out a continuous raspberry. (fart noise with your tongue) for as long as I can. When I stop to take a breath I usually hear ‘..uh.. hello?’ And then I take a big breath again and continue. No one has made it to two full raspberries before hanging up on me.”

phone scams, robocall, robocall blocker, roboblock, cyberfraudFrom 'New Girl'media1.giphy.com

25. “I whisper into the mic to make them turn the volume on their headsets up then suddenly start yelling.”

Granted, it might be worth adding the disclaimer that for many of these folks, scamming might not exactly be a choice. Around the world, human trafficking-fueled cyberfraud, in which people are lured through fake job ads and forced into scamming work, has become more prevalent—especially post-COVID. So sometimes, the folks on the other lines are victims themselves. So, while it might be cathartic to give them a taste of their own medicine, it’s also good to keep in mind that many aren’t necessarily doing it of their free will.

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Friendship

After lonely 97-year-old man crashed into her car, they developed an unexpected friendship

"That was an accident that needed to happen❤️"

iamdonshay/TikTok

Destiny Smith and Jim, 97, became friends after he crashed into her car.

Fender benders rarely turn into positive things. But for Destiny Smith and 97-year-old Jim, a minor car accident between them began a beautiful friendship.

In a compilation video shared by Seen.TVof TikTok videos shared on Smith's account (@Iamdonshay), she explains that back in September 2024, Jim rear-ended her car while she was leaving church. After talking with him, it was clear to Smith that Jim was struggling.

It was a minor accident, and she learned that he had no insurance or driver's license. She also learned that he was 97 years old. "But honestly I was just really worried because he was swerving everywhere. And then after he hit me I got out and asked him if he was okay," she shared. Jim told her he was, and that he was just trying to go home.

After talking more, the two realized they lived just two minutes away from each other. Smith vowed to Jim that she would "come check up on" him. As the video continues, Smith asks more about Jim's living situation. She learns that he lives alone, and that he doesn't have any kids or relatives nearby.

"Who helps you?" Smith asks him, and he replies, "Nobody." It's an answer that didn't sit well with Smith. "I'm so sorry," she tells him. Smith sought advice on how to help Jim from her social media followers, who she thanks for their insight.

@iamdonshay

Replying to @Nicole I am so thankful to everyone who donated to Jim registry. Now he has a mattress topper that is more comfortable for his back and lots of other essentials ♥️

"He is now going to have aides. I spoke with a social worker. It's all just gonna work out," she says in the video. "It's all gonna work out for Jim, and I'm so excited, because he's not gonna be alone anymore." Specifically, Smith shared in another video that she was able to get Jim assistance from the county, and that nurses will come to his home to help care for him.

Since then, Smith has remained a steady part of Jim's life. She visits him often, checks up on him, takes him out to meals, and also celebrated his birthday together.

In a more in-depth video, Smith told her followers more about Jim's story. "He's 97. He's outlived a lot of his family members. His brother and his wife recently passed away, and they never had children," she says. "He's really sweet."

@iamdonshay

Yall asked to see Jim when he was younger… here he is 😇😇

Smith's followers have praised her for her care and concern for Jim. One viewer commented, "Both of you were definitely meant to cross paths. This is so beautiful of you 🥺," and Smith replied, "Thank you so much! 🥰 thanks to God we did! I was very determined to get him help♥️."

Another added, "you're his new granddaughter." And one more wrote, "you are such a kind person 🥺❤️this has me tearing up." An especially touched viewer added, "You are literally heaven sent 🙏thank you for watching out for him & his wellbeing."

Viewers are also obsessed with their unique friendship: "I just love how y’all formed a relationship he needed you🫶🏾🙏🏽," one viewer wrote, and Smith replied, "I love him 🥰🥰🥰."

Another viewer commented, "Dynamic Duo."

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elderly
Humor

People share the 40 words commonly mispronounced that absolutely send them and it's maddening

"Supposably."

Images via Canva

People share commonly mispronounced words that annoy them.

Mispronouncing words happens to all of us. Even for the most diction and grammar literate, words can come out scrambled. But in the English language, some words are commonly mispronounced more than others—somehow becoming commonplace in our everyday language.

Mispronouncing words or phrases irks many people, and in a popular online forum, member @Wonderful-Economy762 posed this question about mispronounced words: "What is one word that people wrongly pronounce that makes your brain just wanna jump a cliff?" And its fellow members did not hold back.

Many shared their feelings about how it feels when they hear people mispronouncing them:

"My rage bubbled up faster than expected reading this," one wrote.

Another added, "Oh man, nails on a chalkboard. I instantly make unfair assumptions about the person who says this."

And another quipped, "Does it count if I do it on purpose to be obnoxious sometimes?"

These are 40 words that are commonly mispronounced that received a passionate mention–with many pointing out how to properly pronounce them.

"Supposably. When a grown adult says 'Supposably' to mean 'supposedly', they sound like a petulant infant who just threw their broccoli off of their high chair onto the ground." —@s7o0a0p

"Lie-berry." —@DixonHerbox

"Exspecially." —@iamhere-2

espresso, espresso shot, espresso cup, espresso drink, drink coffeeCoffee Conan Obrien GIF by Team CocoGiphy

"eXpresso." —@Turbulent_Gene7017

"On accident. (You don’t say you did something on accident. You did something by accident." —@Throwaway7219017, @_incredigirl_

"'I could care less.' It's "I couldn't care less" which means you could NOT care less which means you DON'T CARE LOL." —@EmergencyPharmacy53

"Real-la-tor instead of real-tor." —@jajabibi67

"When people say Valentine’s Day as 'Valentimes day' 😭." —@Glittering_Pea5599

"Nuclear pronounced as 'New-queue-lur. Drives me bonkers!" —@Maleficent-Yam-5196

nuclear, nuclear bomb, nuclear test, nuclear boom, nuclear cloudTest Boom GIFGiphy

"Could of / should of / etc." —@Traditional_Goal6971

"Eggcetera." —@ufficient_Space8484

"Across. People here say 'acrost'. And I know it’s now accepted but it throws me when I hear people say 'axin' instead of 'asking'." —@UtahUtopia

"Irregardless." —@fineline3061

"For all INTENTS AND purposes." —@Doc308

mischief, mischievous, plotting, scheming, mischievous gifYoutube Evil Smile GIF by Best.Cover.EverGiphy

"Mischievous. Miss-Chev-Us. But EVERYONE says Miss-Chee—VEE-us. I said it wrong for decades too." —@fleshvessel

"Amblance instead of Ambulance." —@katmcflame

"Pellow. Melk. Fustrated." —@KimboSliceChestHair

"Punkin instead of pumpkin." —@Geester43

italian, italy, italian gif, jersey shore, italian menHappy Italian GIFGiphy

"Italian. It's not Eyetalian." —@hairyairyolas

"Hot take…When did we start pronouncing the 'T' in 'often?' I was taught in school it was silent :)" —@SilentConstant2114

"Pacifically instead of specifically." —@PepsiMaxHoe

"Pitcher for picture." —@shnarfmaster3000

"'FentaNAHL'. It’s fentanyl." —@daveindo

champing, champing at the bit, mispronounced, mispronunciation, mispronounced wordGet To The Point GIF by Aurora Consulting: Business, Insurance, Financing ExpertsGiphy

"I’m going to expose my middle-class here but it’s KEE-NWAH, not KIH-NOAH. And it’s ‘Champing at the bit’, not ‘chomping’." —@creator_chronicles

"Where people say 'seen' instead of 'saw'. 'I seen this car coming down the street...' My brain melts every time." —@Direct_Disaster9299

"Kindygarten, kiddygarden." —@NeverDidLearn

'Take for granite' u sound so dumb. Its GRANTED people." —@silly_creation650

strawberry, strawberries, berries, fruit, strawberry gifStrawberry GIFGiphy

"'Oh look! A strawbrery!'" —@WafflesTalbot

"'verbiage' as 'verb-uj'." —@valentinakontrabida

"Anyways. There is no 'S' in this." —@Zealousideal-Cook104

"Writing 'ect.' instead of 'etc.' and pronouncing it wrongly - 'eccetera' instead of 'et cetera'." —@KiwiFruit404

"Foyer. It's Foy-yay, not Foy-yer." —@hoosiergirl1962

birthday, birthday word, party, birthday party, birthday celebrationWhat Is That Happy Birthday GIF by The OfficeGiphy

"There so many. Here are but a few. 'Burfday'. It’s birthday, damn it! 'Alls I know'. I want to rip my ears off. 'Ax' instead of 'ask'." —@mbc072558

"Poinsettia, people say it as pointsetta, it has irked me for years." —@dararie

"When people say 'pitcher' for 'picture'." —@Desperate_Holiday_78


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Pop Culture

I made these 5 changes to transport my lifestyle back to the 1990's

You don't have to give up the best of today to recapture that feeling we all miss.

Photo credit: Canva

These 5 changes transported my lifestyle back to the early 90s

Since technology has become such a large part of everyday life, it can feel as if you have to constantly portray this perfect image online. Even the most self-assured person becomes self-conscious and worried about the possibility of being recorded without their knowledge and becoming a viral meme. For me, technology became a strange time warp. Every time I open a social media app, the room becomes distorted as I transport to the same spot, but three hours later.

It was extremely frustrating suddenly going from having eight hours to get something done to only having five or less. But the thing is, the passage of time seemed completely out of my control at the time. Picking up my phone became a habit that took away so many things that I didn't realize I was missing—so I stopped. When Lent rolled around this year, I decided to live more like the early 1990s and the results were so impressive that I don't think I'll ever fully come back.

These are the five changes I made to transport my lifestyle back to the 90s...

1990s; no technology; live like 80s; go back to 90s; life without technology; simpler lifeVHS tapePhoto credit: Canva

1. No social media

There was no such thing as social media in the 80s and 90s, so I cut it out as much as I could. I downloaded an app called Opal which blocks any apps that are deemed a distraction. You can control the apps it blocks, but it also suggests which apps to block based on your phone usage. They offer body doubling options for better focus as well as different types of focus related music on top of sending quirky little messages when you attempt to access the app while it's blocked.

Since my employment relies on me accessing social media, I set a two-hour limit per day so I could access the apps for work. This really helped me recognize how much time these apps were taking. Opal rewards you for staying off of the blocked apps by unlocking different gems that you get the satisfaction of hammering open on your screen.

1990s; no technology; live like 80s; go back to 90s; life without technology; simpler lifeTwo girls looking at cell phonePhoto credit: Canva

2. No Google

As someone who enjoys learning, this was probably harder than giving up social media. But do you remember what it was like to wonder? Instead of Googling something random that felt urgent like "is Pluto a planet again," I just wonder. If it's something that is actually important enough for me to want to look up (not work related), I *gasp* go to the library.

Apparently the library has books, magazines, scientific journals, CDs, computers, and more. It takes a little more work but I get to chat with the librarians and they help find the things I'm looking for. It has made researching much more tactile which seems to translate into absorbing and retaining more information. Avoiding Googling and asking Alexa and Siri has also resulted in me striking up more conversations in person and on the phone. Why ask Google how to get a kid to drink more water when I can ask my mom?

1990s; no technology; live like 80s; go back to 90s; life without technology; simpler lifeWoman looking out windowPhoto credit: Canva

3. Movies on DVD

Okay, DVDs aren't early 90s but I honestly have no idea where you'd find a VCR or if they still make VCR tapes. Probably not, since having a VCR is like having an 8Track. Turns out DVD players and DVDs are fairly inexpensive, especially if you're not buying new movies. Watching movies on DVD instead of streaming devices allowed us to own the movies and series outright. On top of not having to worry about a streaming service ending an agreement with a series I'm in the middle of binging, I also don't get stuck in constant scrolling through endless options.

4. Spend more time outside

During the month of April, I spent a lot of time making my backyard inviting. Plenty of seating for when people stop by, a swing under our pear tree to enjoy the sunshine, lantern lights, and mosquito deterrents. Without social media sucking the time right out from under me, sitting outside listening to nature has been anxiety reducing.

1990s; no technology; live like 80s; go back to 90s; life without technology; simpler lifeWoman with three kids drawing hopscotchPhoto credit: Canva

Riding bikes, roller blading, and drawing hopscotch boards in the driveway are now just part of our week. Going outside more has had the side effect of having my own child spend time outside learning games I used to play as a child. It has been fun to share these simpler games and activities with them.

5. Reconnecting with friends

This was something I'll admit that I didn't purposely seek out at first. It was a a happy consequence of not keeping up with people on social media. While social media can be great for keeping in touch with long distance friends or family, at some point I started relying on it to know what was going on in people's lives. Or at least it felt like I knew what was going on by watching their lives through pictures and curated updates. Without constantly logging in, I sought connection though phone calls, texts, hangouts in onesies on the couch, and brunch dates.

1990s; no technology; live like 80s; go back to 90s; life without technology; simpler lifeTwo teen girls sitting on bedPhoto credit: Canva

Spending more time speaking to people in my life no matter how far away they are connected us on a deeper level just like before social media. What people can't see from an Instagram post about a trip to the zoo is the tears or frustration the poster might be holding back due to something untold happening behind the perfectly cued up smiles. But when you hear your friend's voice, you know when something is off and can support them in real time. There's also something special about sharing more belly laughs in person or helping them clean their kitchen while belting along to the tunes pouring from their Alexa.

Since many people work in a position that requires the computer, it can be nearly impossible to get rid of technology completely. But trying to limit use as much as possible can have a fair amount of unexpected positive side effects. Since limiting my own use of technology, I've been happier, more creative, more social, and I'm pretty sure I've increased my vitamin D levels due to the increased time I spend outdoors. There's no real way to go back to the 90s, but for now this is close enough and others may find it helpful to try to do the same.

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