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elderly

Friendship

After lonely 97-year-old man crashed into her car, they developed an unexpected friendship

"That was an accident that needed to happen❤️"

iamdonshay/TikTok

Destiny Smith and Jim, 97, became friends after he crashed into her car.

Fender benders rarely turn into positive things. But for Destiny Smith and 97-year-old Jim, a minor car accident between them began a beautiful friendship.

In a compilation video shared by Seen.TVof TikTok videos shared on Smith's account (@Iamdonshay), she explains that back in September 2024, Jim rear-ended her car while she was leaving church. After talking with him, it was clear to Smith that Jim was struggling.

It was a minor accident, and she learned that he had no insurance or driver's license. She also learned that he was 97 years old. "But honestly I was just really worried because he was swerving everywhere. And then after he hit me I got out and asked him if he was okay," she shared. Jim told her he was, and that he was just trying to go home.

After talking more, the two realized they lived just two minutes away from each other. Smith vowed to Jim that she would "come check up on" him. As the video continues, Smith asks more about Jim's living situation. She learns that he lives alone, and that he doesn't have any kids or relatives nearby.

"Who helps you?" Smith asks him, and he replies, "Nobody." It's an answer that didn't sit well with Smith. "I'm so sorry," she tells him. Smith sought advice on how to help Jim from her social media followers, who she thanks for their insight.

@iamdonshay

Replying to @Nicole I am so thankful to everyone who donated to Jim registry. Now he has a mattress topper that is more comfortable for his back and lots of other essentials ♥️

"He is now going to have aides. I spoke with a social worker. It's all just gonna work out," she says in the video. "It's all gonna work out for Jim, and I'm so excited, because he's not gonna be alone anymore." Specifically, Smith shared in another video that she was able to get Jim assistance from the county, and that nurses will come to his home to help care for him.

Since then, Smith has remained a steady part of Jim's life. She visits him often, checks up on him, takes him out to meals, and also celebrated his birthday together.

In a more in-depth video, Smith told her followers more about Jim's story. "He's 97. He's outlived a lot of his family members. His brother and his wife recently passed away, and they never had children," she says. "He's really sweet."

@iamdonshay

Yall asked to see Jim when he was younger… here he is 😇😇

Smith's followers have praised her for her care and concern for Jim. One viewer commented, "Both of you were definitely meant to cross paths. This is so beautiful of you 🥺," and Smith replied, "Thank you so much! 🥰 thanks to God we did! I was very determined to get him help♥️."

Another added, "you're his new granddaughter." And one more wrote, "you are such a kind person 🥺❤️this has me tearing up." An especially touched viewer added, "You are literally heaven sent 🙏thank you for watching out for him & his wellbeing."

Viewers are also obsessed with their unique friendship: "I just love how y’all formed a relationship he needed you🫶🏾🙏🏽," one viewer wrote, and Smith replied, "I love him 🥰🥰🥰."

Another viewer commented, "Dynamic Duo."

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elderly
Mental Health

Psychologist shares beautiful advice for talking to people with dementia

"This isn't 'playing along to pacify the old guy,' this is an opportunity..."

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Dr. David McPhee offers advice for talking to someone living in a different time in their head.

Few things are more difficult than watching a loved one's grip on reality slipping away. Dementia can be brutal for families and caregivers, and knowing how to handle the various stages can be tricky to figure out.

The Alzheimer's Association offers tips for communicating in the early, middle and late stages of the disease, as dementia manifests differently as the disease progresses. The Family Caregiver Alliance also offers advice for talking to someone with various forms and phases of dementia. Some communication tips deal with confusion, agitation and other challenging behaviors that can come along with losing one's memory, and those tips are incredibly important. But what about when the person is seemingly living in a different time, immersed in their memories of the past, unaware of what has happened since then?

Psychologist David McPhee shared some advice with a person on Quora who asked, "How do I answer my dad with dementia when he talks about his mom and dad being alive? Do I go along with it or tell him they have passed away?"

McPhee wrote:

"Enter into his reality and enjoy it. He doesn't need to be 'oriented.' Thank God the days are gone when people with advanced dementia were tortured by huge calendars and reminder signs and loved ones were urged to 'orient' them to some boring current 'reality.'

If dad spends most of his time in 1959, sit with him. Ask questions he didn't have time for before. Ask about people long dead, but alive to him, learn, celebrate your heritage. His parents are alive to him. Learn more about your grandparents. If he tells the same story over and over, appreciate it as if it's music, and you keep coming back to the beautiful refrain.

This isn't 'playing along to pacify the old guy,' this is an opportunity to communicate and treasure memories real but out of time."

People on Quora loved the thoughtful, compassionate advice. Many people shared that they had taken this approach with their relatives with good results, and people who work with dementia patients confirmed it also. Some said that "orienting" to present reality may be helpful for people in the early stages of dementia, but not necessarily in the middle or later stages.

Of course, caregivers know that dementia means more than simply living in another time period in your head, and that talking with a person with dementia might require different skills and approaches on different days. But this advice to learn about a loved one's past may come in handy for family members who feel sad or hurt that they aren't being remembered in the present. It may help to see it as an opportunity to time travel with the person rather than a loss. When a person is deep in their long-term memory, you may be surprised and delighted by what you can discover.

People with dementia don't need to be brought back to the present if it's just going to confuse or irritate them. If they are in a safe place and are being watched over so they don't wander or do something dangerous, let them be. Join them in their past world and get to know them in a way you may not have had the opportunity to otherwise.

Solid advice, Dr. McPhee. Thank you for sharing it publicly.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

From Your Site Articles
well-being
Golden Years

13 side-by-side portraits of people over 100 with their younger selves

These powerful before-and-after photos reveal just how beautiful aging can be.

via Jan Langer/Aktualne

Jan Langer's incredible photos are timeless.

Czech photographer Jan Langer's portrait series "Faces of Century" shows them in a different light: as human beings aged by years of experience, but at their deepest level, unchanged by the passing of time. In the series, Langer juxtaposes his portraits with another portrait of the subject from decades earlier. He recreates the original pose and lighting as closely as he can — he wants us to see them not just as they are now, but how they have and haven't changed over time. That is the key to the series.

These are the rare faces of people who have lived through two world wars, a cavalcade of regimes, and the rush of advancements in modern life. These photos, and the stories of the lives lived by the people in them, show not only the beauty of aging, but how even as we age, we still remain essentially ourselves.


1. Prokop Vejdělek, at age 22 and 101

All photos by Jan Langer.

Vejdělek is a former metallurgical engineer who will never forget the taste of warm fresh goat's milk.

2. Bedřiška Köhlerová, at age 26 and 103

Originally born in Merano, Italy, Köhlerová wishes to visit Italy one more time.

3. Ludvík Chybík, at age 20 and 102

Chybík is a former postal carrier and says he will never forget the route he worked every day.

4. Vincenc Jetelina, at age 30 and 105

Jetelina spent eight years in prison after World War II. Now, he just wants to live the rest of his life in peace.

5. Marie Fejfarová, at age 101

Fejfarová burned all her material memories, including old photographs, when she decided to move to a long-term care facility. She lived a dramatic life, hiding from the Nazis and then the Russians, but eventually she was able to travel the world with her husband. Her experiences show there's no such thing as too late in life to start a new chapter.

6. Antonín Kovář, at age 25 and 102

Kovář is a former musician whose daughter comes to visit him every day. He wishes to play the clarinet once more.

7. Anna Vašinová, at age 22 and 102

Vašinová will always remember the day her husband was taken away by the Nazis. She wishes to be reunited with him after death.

8. Stanislav Spáčil, at age 17 and 102

Spáčil was an electrical engineer throughout his life and thinks that it's too early in his life to think about the past.

9. Anna Pochobradská, at age 30 and 100

Pochobradská was a farmer. She now lives a quiet life and is thankful that her daughter visits her every weekend.

10. Antonín Baldrman, at age 17 and 101

Baldrman was a clerk early in life and keeps up with current events by reading the newspaper.

11. Marie Burešová, at age 23 and 101

Burešová loves talking to her family and wishes to have them all together again.

12. Vlasta Čížková, at age 23 and 101

Čížková cooked in the dining room at the airport in the small village of Vodochody. She'll never forget reciting her own poetry at wedding ceremonies.

13. Ludmila Vysloužilová, at age 23 and 101

Vysloužilová stays active every day by chopping wood, shoveling snow, and doing work around her house.

The photographer Langer was initially inspired to document the lives of elderly people because of what he saw as the media's lack of coverage of them. He decided to focus on people over the age of 100 — a very rare demographic indeed. The 2010 U.S. Census reported only 53,364 centenarians, which is only 0.19% of the population of people 70 years or older.

“One should live every single moment according to their best knowledge and conscience because one day we will see clearly what has a real value," Langer says of what he learned from his subjects while photographing them.

The series was originally part of a story that Langer did for the Czech news outlet aktuálně.cz. You can see more photos from the portrait sessions by following the link.


This article originally appeared seven years ago.



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Joy

Postal carrier had a 'gut feeling' after seeing mail pile up for three days. It saved a life.

This dedicated public servant became a small town hero.

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Kayla Berridge went above and beyond.

Kayla Berridge had been walking her normal 9-mile delivery route in Newmarket, a small town in New Hampshire, when she noticed something unusual.

The mail she had been delivering continued to pile up over a matter of days at one resident’s home. The resident was an elderly woman in her 80s, and would occasionally share a chat with Berridge, according to CNN.

Berridge told CNN that after noticing the unattended mail pile, she got “a little concerned.”

“I just had this gut feeling and wanted to make sure,” Berridge told WMUR 9 News, explaining that “most people put a hold in if they’re not there, so when people pick up their mail every day, you start to notice their habits.” Not to mention, the woman’s car was still in the driveway.

Berridge followed her instincts and called the local police department for a wellness check, and in the process saved the elderly woman’s life.

CNN reported that officers found the woman trapped on her bedroom floor under heavy artwork and frames. The theory is she tried to use her bed for support, and in the process these items on the bed fell onto her, pinning her down for three full days. Though she was suffering from hypothermia and dehydration, Police Lt. Wayne Stevens confirmed she was stable and recovering.

I can only imagine the agony and fear this poor woman was in, lying in the cold and not knowing if help would come. Luckily, help was on the way, and this story has a happy ending.

In this instance, the familiarity that comes from living in a small town really paid off. “Everyone has each other’s backs,” Berridge told CNN.

But Officer Stevens wanted to give credit where credit was due. He agreed that Berridge’s quick thinking was “part of being a letter carrier in a small town,” he added that her actions were “taking your job to the next level.”

While wellness or welfare checks have historically been associated with the elderly, they are seen as an equally “critical tool” for the safety of many young people as well, especially with the “rise of suicide rates among adolescents and young adults.”

An example of this is when "Saturday Night Live" star Pete Davidson received a wellness check back in 2018. The comedian posted an alarming message to Instagram, saying “I really don’t want to be on this Earth anymore. I actually don’t know how much longer I can last.” This was after breaking off his engagement with Ariana Grande.

Though it certainly didn’t happen in a small town, the interconnectedness of social media helped raise some red flags and prompted authorities to make a visit.

If there’s anything to make you question someone’s well-being, it’s better to be safe than sorry.


This article originally appeared on 02.02.22

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