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Husband shares 'tips' for men with perimenopausal wives and it's totally spot on

"Any form of heavy breathing, particularly from the nostrils, is now out of bounds. Things like this could quite literally get you killed."

Photo credit: Canva

Perimenopause is not joke, but these tips are hilarious.

In recent years, the long-neglected period of female life known as perimenopause has finally gotten the attention it deserves. Menopause most people knew about. The decade or so preceding it, when women's bodies go haywire in a hundred different ways due to hormonal fluctuations, not so much.

You know it when you experience it, though. It's super fun playing a constant game of "Am I dying or is it just perimenopause?" Random symptoms ranging from the somewhat expected hot flashes and irregular periods to the totally unexpected insomnia, irritability, and itching all over just show up out of nowhere. Ten pounds move in like squatters in your mid-section, refusing to leave even when you try to kick them out. The body you've lived in for decades suddenly feels foreign and your brain feels like it's trying to reign in a tornado of physical, mental, and emotional upheaval.

perimenopause, menopause, mid-life, women's health, humorPerimenopause comes with all kinds of random symptoms.Photo credit: Canva

All of this is super easy for our families to deal with, of course. Ha ha.

While we women bear the brunt of the perimenopause bombardment, our loved ones do get hit by the shrapnel. And there's little question that our spouses get most of the collateral damage, which is why a husband's video with advice for men with perimenopausal wives is hitting home. The creator @mitch.little.academy explains that his wife is currently in perimenopause and he wants to share some tips that he's learned with his peers.

"Tip No. 1: Snacks. Don't be messing around with the snacks in the house," he says. "These are no longer yours. Your partner is very up to date with the snack inventory, and if there's one left in the fridge, this does not belong to you, for safety reasons."

@mitch.little.academy

Some tips for the blokes


Next tip: "You have to be quieter about everything that you do. Any form of heavy breathing, particularly from the nostrils, is now out of bounds. Things like this could quite literally get you killed."

"I suggest, if possible, thinking quieter is ideal," he continues. "Even sounds like blinking, which we didn't even know was a thing, is something that you should avoid doing or learn not to do."

He goes on to suggest that husbands "just say 'sorry'" upon waking, even if you don't know what you're sorry for, definitely don't tell her that your core temperature is "comfortable and ideal" when she tells you she's hot, and other such life-saving advice.

insomnia, irritability, perimenopause, women's health. spouseInsomnia and irritability aren't the best perimenopausal combo.Photo credit: Canva

The video is tongue-in-cheek, of course, but he does add a touch of seriousness, acknowledging that perimenopause genuinely is a lot to be going through.

"Did you [know] that suicide and divorce rates are at the highest for females between the age of 35 and 50?" he wrote on Facebook. "Perimenopause is an extremely tough time for a female. I'm no expert, but I'm learning. All I'll say is 'I hear you.' Maybe more conversations can help spread awareness."

Awareness is great, but so is humor, honestly. We have to be able to laugh at this wild stage of life, otherwise we'll cry. Perimenopausal women in the comments appear to agree, appreciating these "tips" for their hubbies:

"OMFG I can’t stop laughing, I’m 12 yrs (of hell) with this crap! Sending your partner hugs and please keep the awareness going, along with the humour!"

"Spot on!! Our marriage nearly ends nightly due to the opening and rustling of packets of food."

"Haha! Peeling paint with the snoring gets me. I'm laying there wide awake at 2 am thinking well I guess I'll get up and do some yoga or put a pillow on his face. Yoga is a better option, it's saved a life a few nights!"

menopause, perimenopause, women's health, women, spouseMenopause is on its way.Giphy GIF by Better Things

"For me it was loud chewing during dinner and the strapping of utensils on the dinner plate. The kids didn’t bother me but my husband…well poor man."

"You didn’t talk about the ear itching! Why didn’t You talk ABOUT THE EAR ITCHING! Now I need to yell at my husband because you missed the ear itching."

"Thank you! It is so recognizable. My husband is still the culprit I am extremely irritated by his behavior, which I never really bothered about before. I am already through pre-memopause and probably at the end, but I am still a volcano that erupts in the morning and at times I feel terribly unhappy. I am bothered by people in general and want them all to disappear.It is a bit less now that I am 60, but I can well imagine that women think about suicide and divorce during that period. I am glad that there is more openness and that it is taken seriously. Thanks again! Love your humor!"

"My husband will ask me do you love me or hate me today and I say no I hate you today but you’ve not done anything wrong it’s not you and he will say ok I’ll go out the back to play with the pigeons. You just have to be understanding about it. Good communication."

In all seriousness, perimenopause sucks. It's good for us all to have a sense of humor about it to ease the angst and pain.

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Women's Health

Mom shares shock over male teacher telling her 15-year-old to 'hold in' her period

Oddly enough, some women didn't find it an unreasonable request.

via Pexels/Mumsnet

Not every woman can wait a half hour to handle a period issue.

There are a lot of men out there who shy away from discussing menstruation with women. But any man who's ever taken a class in basic human biology or had a mother, sister, wife, girlfriend or any other woman in their life should know the basics of how it works.

That's why a mother on the Mumsnet message board was completely "shocked" that her daughter's teacher told her to "hold in" her period. Does he think a woman can hold in her period like it's pee? (Spoiler: She can't. Different point of origin, different muscles, different biological process.)

Mumsnet is a UK website where parents come together to discuss anything from adoption to women's rights. This post appeared under the "Am I Being Unreasonable" thread.

periods, teachers, men not understanding how periods work"Hold it" is not an appropriate response to a teen getting her period.Screenshot via Mumsnet

According to the post, the 15-year-old's teacher prevented her from using the bathroom because he legitimately thinks women can hold back period blood. Or he knows a bit about biology but still decided to put her in the position to be mortally embarrassed.

The mother later said that the lessons last two hours so the girl had a long time to wait before being able to change her pad.

A few parents said that the teacher was correct to say no because students often lie about their periods to get out of class.

"It’s true - girls do use 'it’s my period' to get out. I’ve never had a period myself that would cause instant drowning in a half hour, I must admit," wrote one commenter.

period, menstruation, getting your periodWe Tried To Not Leak On Our Period For A Week GIF by BuzzFeedGiphy

"Unless she is new to starting her periods then I would expect students to make use of time to change sanitary products," shared another. "Eg. Women know if we are a new pad every 2 hours or every 4 etc. Sadly, some girls do use having their period as some sort of get out of jail free card. I agree with him saying just wait half an hour. I think his phrasing was clumsy though."

Some women, however, shared that the nature of their periods would make waiting a half an hour potentially disastrous. Everyone's periods are different, and while some wouldn't have a problem even if it started out of the blue, some would.

"I used to have very sudden gushes and used to have to carry a change of clothes with me as no pad , no matter how super absorbent,would stop me flooding. Ever so embarrassing and very uncomfortable to have to sit and wait before going to clean yourself up. I'm very envious of the women on here who have never experienced it."

"This is ridiculous, I had undiagnosed endometriosis in high school and would have random clotting that meant I would immediately need to use the bathroom Blush. If a male teacher said this I would be absolutely mortified, you should definitely complain!"

"Reminds me of when I was in Venice, I was on my period but use tampons. DH and I are walking down a canal and all of a sudden I look down and realise my crotch is bright red. Absolutely mortified. I must have flooded without realising and there was no hiding it. This was only 2 years ago so I still want to crawl into a hole when I think about it. Women can and do flood unexpectedly!!!"

period, menstrual cramps, menstruation, period leaksCramps and other discomfort are already hard enough to deal with when you have your period.Photo credit: Canva

Most parents thought the teacher did the wrong thing and needs a lesson in basic biology.

"I would be complaining, and I am not a complainer. There is so much wrong with that it's hard to know where to begin."

One poster was irate but completely right about the issue.

"Complain to high heaven! What if she'd leaked everywhere? I bet he'd have let her go to the toilet pretty sharpish. Hold it in? What a jerk!"

Another believes the daughter should have disobeyed the teacher and gone to the bathroom.

"In these situations (where teachers are being idiotic about the toilet rules) I would always tell my dd to just leave and go to the toilet, if she gets into trouble then so be it - I would back her up.

"Trying to deal with a period leak or a dodgy tummy it would be worse to not go to the loo and spend the rest of your school life remembered as 'that girl who leaked everywhere or shat herself' then nipping out of the classroom for 5 mins and maybe getting a detention."

One poster did a great job at re-framing the situation so that the teacher's actions seem even more ridiculous.

"Would it be ok to tell adults when they could or could not take action to stop themselves leaking blood?"

But the $50,000 question is: What subject does the instructor teach?

teacher, period, teacher telling student to hold in her periodHopefully it wasn't a biology teacher.Screenshot via Mumsnet

Bottom line: If a woman says she needs to use the bathroom for "girl reasons"—or any reason, for that matter—best to let her go and save you both some potential problems.

This story originally appeared five years ago and has been updated.


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Women expose the reality of perimenopausal brain fog resulting in humorously relatable anecdotes

"I forgot the word 'toiletries' and ended up saying 'human condiments'."

Photo credit: Canva

Women expose the hilarious reality of perimenopausal brain fog

One thing that people are becoming increasingly familiar with whether they want to or not is perimenopause. This refers to the several years to a decade before someone reaches full blown menopause, which is marked by 12 consecutive months without menstruation. One of the reasons people are much more aware of the biological condition is because of women like Ari who is speaking openly about her experiences with perimenopause.

In a recent video, Ari, who goes by @Ari_Darling on social media, shared the frustrating experience of perimenopause related brain fog and forgetfulness. Upon sharing an amusing video of her seemingly starting to say something and forgetting what she was saying, women flocked to share their own stories of the phenomenon.

forgetfulness, perimenopause, pre menopause, brain fog, women's health What was I doing again?Photo credit: Canva

Brain fog and forgetfulness are common symptoms of perimenopause that can make someone feel as if they're developing a serious illness. It can be scary at times when the moments go from forgetting why you walked into a room to something that feels more serious, like forgetting words you use frequently and floundering while your brain searches for a placeholder.

Dr. Hadine Joffe, executive director of the Connors Center for Women's Health and Gender Biology at Brigham and Women's ­Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, tells Harvard Women's Health Watchthat decreasing estrogen is the culprit to perimenopausal brain fog and is usually one of the first indications that hormone levels have changed. "We don't know why this happens, because many things are happening across the menopause transition along with the drop in estrogen," Joffe tells the publication.

@ari__darling I can’t believe how bad it is. We need to talk about this more. #perimenopause #forget #words ♬ original sound - Ari__Darling 🇨🇦

No matter the reason people experience brain fog, it's pretty safe to assume that everyone going through it finds it to be quite annoying. In the moment it may be irritating and a little frightening but once it has passed and the panic has subdued, the inconvenient brain glitches can be amusing. That's exactly what the women who found Ari's video bonded over–the hilarity that comes with brain fog and all the wild things their brain shoved out of their mouths when they couldn't remember simple words.

One woman was simply mortified when she couldn't remember an everyday phrase: "I couldn't remember 'flight attendant' but knew 'stewardess' was not pc, I could only remember that it was 2 words....I came up with "space waitress.' fml"

flight attendant, stewardess, brain fog, forgetfulness, perimenopauseA space waitress at work. Photo credit: Canva

It's always a good day when potatoes have babies according to this woman's word flub: "The other day I was trying to think of the word “tater tots” and I asked my husband to get the potato children."

You know, maybe we should petition for this particular change: "Couldn’t remember 'A-list' celebrities. Instead said “this movie has a lot of name brand actors”

Well, you probably don't want to say this to an elderly relative: "Yep, i pulled out "coffin parking lot" the other day when I couldn't remember cemetery."

cemetery, coffin, brain fog, forgetfulness, funny wordsWaking Up Funeral GIFGiphy

"I forgot the word 'toiletries' and ended up saying 'human condiments,'" another shared. Who needs different words when lotion is essentially like like ketchup for your legs? Same thing, right?

"Asking for tongs in the kitchen. My brain throws out food tweezers. I used to be a chef," said another woman. You can still be a chef and use food tweezers. This is a judgement free zone.

Listen, words are hard sometimes and having hormonal fluctuations that make you forget what keys are called doesn't make it any easier. Thankfully, women no longer have to suffer in silence thinking they're alone in their struggles. Thanks to social media, women from all over the world have a better understanding of perimenopause because others refuse to adhere to the idea that "the change" is something private. If you're going through brain fog and forgetfulness related to perimenopause, rest assured you have an entire group of people experiencing the same thing and they're more than happy to commiserate with you.

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Pop Culture

Woman goes viral for literally steaming from her head due to a hot flash

"This is the realest depiction of a hot flash I’ve seen!"

@mstraceymonique/Instagram

The way she just laughs it off…

Ah, hot flashes. They're the one thing most people know about menopause—but even at that, we don’t really have that much common knowledge about. For instance, did you know that a hot flash can make a woman literally steam from head to toe? Probably not.

And yet, it’s true. The proof? A now viral video showing author and podcaster Tracey Monique sitting in the stands of a football game, eating nachos, and nonchalantly exuding vapors like a fantastical dragon. She even laughs as it’s happening.

“When the flash starts flashin’,” one of her friends can be heard saying behind the camera.

Hot flashes are caused by fluctuating hormone levels, and can feel as though you're suddenly thrust into a sauna. The intense heat can cause sweating, face reddening, and even chills and a rapid heartbeat. In short—it’s not for the faint of heart. And yet, because of the stigma surrounding hot flashes (and menopause in general), so many women are made to feel embarrassed by it or have their symptoms minimized, rather than feeling like badasses for being part of this rather remarkable aspect of the human condition.

This is why the video is resonating with so many people. One, it depicts a rarely seen image of what menopause actually looks like, and two, it helps combat any notion of women being dramatic about symptoms. As a viewer noted, “this is the realest depiction of a hot flash I’ve seen! I’ve saved it so that I can show anyone who even in the very slightest suggests that I’m exaggerating when it happens!”

Another person quipped, “To all husbands out there. When she says she's hot... this is what she means.”

Still another exclaimed, “Finally! Visual evidence of a HOT FLASH!!! Thank you so much for posting this. You have validated millions of women all over the world: menopause symptoms are REAL and they are MISERABLE!”

Similarly, it really shows how little we know about women’s bodies. Like, why does this phenomenon still look so otherworldly and strange in our modern world? More than one viewer commented how if this were the late 1600s, poor Monique would be tried as a witch. And if this one teeny tiny aspect of menopause is still so wildly misunderstood, imagine the rest of it or any other female biological process.

So much of our views on menopause are directly linked with our fears of aging in general. By and large, we see menopause as a disease or marker of inevitable decline, rather than a new chapter of life. Then of course there's the whole tying-a-woman’s-sense-of-self-worth-to-her -ability-to-bear-children thing, which is undoubtedly a prevailing issue. But it’s moments like those that really shift those outdated perspectives, enabling women to feel seen, understood, and hopefully even a little confident in their own strength and resilience.

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