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Millennials share 15 eye-opening parenting differences their Boomer parents never dealt with

"I'll go first ---> the cost of childcare."

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Millennial parents share how parenting has changed compared to Boomer parents.

Raising kids has changed with every generation. For Millennials raising kids, the parenting landscape has changed immensely since the experiences of their Boomer parents.

In an online parenting community, member @Eclectic7112 posed the question to fellow Millennials: "Millennials with kids, what's something you have to deal with, that your parents didn't have to deal with at the same level or at all?"

They followed it up with more details. "A lot has changed in the last 40 years. This includes raising kids. If there was something that you had to explain to your parents that's 'different' than it was when they raised us, what would it be?

parents, parenting, dad, babies, gifCome Here Season 6 GIF by This Is UsGiphy

As the first response, @Eclectic7112 shared, "I'll go first ---> the cost of childcare." And their peers did not hold back on their responses. Millennial parents opened up about 15 major changes they've faced as parents compared to the previous generation, from technology to sports to momfluencers.

1. "The expectation that work never ends and you should be reachable after work hours and weekends." - Beberuth1131

2. "My kids expect me to play with them ALL the time. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t allowed to talk to my dad while he was watching TV." - Dadbod646

kids, playing, parenting, playing with kids, playtimeWork From Home Kids GIF by MOODMANGiphy

3. "Having grandparents who don't help. My grandma helped, and I spent months with my grandparents during the year." -SandiegoJack

4. "Prices of stuff in general. My mom managed to raise three kids on one income at a gas station and we always had everything we needed. Did she struggle? Of course, but it was still do-able. It is beyond impossible now, even at my $20/hour paycheck." - Old-Capital5079

5. "Momfluencers." - Puzzleheaded-Sphinx

6. "Sports are so different now. I'm 43. My kid is 9 and plays hockey. Youth sports have gotten nuts. When I was a kid, you played hockey in the winter. You played for your town's team. You had a practice each week and a game each week. Now there are spring leagues, and summer leagues. There are 'competitive' triple A programs that cost tens of thousands of dollars a year. Practices are 2+ times a week or more. I've talked to other parents who are already talking about college scholarships or going pro... it's nuts. Like you don't HAVE to sign up for all of it but once you put your kid in a sport there is SO MUCH pressure to do more. I used hockey as an example but I have friends with kids who've had the same experiences in baseball, cheerleading, gymnastics, swimming, soccer..." - seanofkelley

cheerleading, cheerleader, kids cheer, cheer squad, cheerleading sportbring it GIF by LifetimeGiphy

7. "Play dates... apparently nobody can be trusted enough to watch your kid until they're like 8 or 9." - JP96

8. "The fact that technology is so integrated with school. I can’t keep my kids off screens because that’s how they do 90% of their schoolwork. Their schools start providing Chromebooks in kindergarten. Half of their assignments require watching Youtube videos. They have to fill out google forms for school events. And my kids’ band director pushes out music and drill on google drive. I constantly have to find new ways to try to give them access to what they need but still limit the constant unfettered access to the internet." - UnhappyDimension681

9. "How we sit in cars. We kind of just laid in the back on road trips. Now they're in boosters until their big. I understand safety obviously but big difference in Long road trips!" - Jessssiiiiccccaaaa

minivan, road trip, travel with kids, traveling, carHappy Honda GIFGiphy

10. "Social media and keeping-up-with-the-Jones. Almost every 8-year old in my daughter's class has a cell phone OR an Apple Watch. It's hard for my wife and I to explain to our daughter why we don't think it is a good idea for her yet. There was even some TikTok drama at her school that got the district's attention where some 5th graders were randomly matching up 5th graders as if they were dating." - dr_z0idberg_md

11. "Monitoring their consumption of media is far and away the hardest thing. I haven't caught them watching anything TOO out of bounds, but the other day we were talking about someone who'd only go on a trip if someone else was paying for it, and my 10 y/o daughter asked 'You mean like a sugar baby?' and I just...how? Where? She likes watching Youtube shorts and tutorials and those "oddly satisfying" videos, and sometimes looks up musicians she likes, but I can't screen everything she can get her hands on. I looked at her history and nothing pops out, and maybe it was someone from school, but I just don't know." - andmewithoutmytowel

12. "Summer camp. My ass was out from morning to 7 at night." - awiththejays

summer camp, camp, sleep away camp, overnight camp, kids campsummer camp GIFGiphy

13. "School drop off and pick up. I walked to school and home from school as an elementary school kid. Now, if your elementary school kid tries to walk to the school door without a parent, they’d be on the phone with CPS before your kid’s butt crossed the threshold. Walking to/from school is still a common practice in other countries but sadly not here anymore." - TrickyOperation6115

14. "Every birthday party needs a theme now." - Janeheroine

15. "The fact that we can never watch tv because the kids can watch exactly what they want on demand at anytime, not having to wait for the cartoons to come on." - Woefulraddish


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Parenting

Researcher says parents who have strong relationships with their adult children do 7 things

The relationship you form when they're little has ripple effects much later on.

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Parenting coach urges parents who want a good relationship with their adult children to do these 7 things

My wife and I really love our kids. OK, that sounds obvious. But I guess what I really mean is that we like them. We always joke that we'd be totally OK if our kids lived with us forever, mooching off of our money and food and and hanging out with us forever and forever. Doesn't sound too bad to me!

We're mostly joking, of course. Obviously I want them to flourish in their own lives, find spouses and/or have children if that's what they want, seek success in their careers and have rich friendships and adventures all over the world. So I will probably have to settle for just having a good relationship with them, one that straddles the line between parent and friend just right.

will ferrell, meatloaf, wedding crashers, parenting, moms, motherhood, kids, adult chidlrenI guess there's a downside to your kids living at home forever.Giphy

When your kids are grown, you're not really their buddy or bestie, but you also have to take a step back from your full-time role as protector and teacher. You have to land in the sweet spot in between, and a lot of parents get this wrong, falling too far to one side or the other. Conflict can come from anywhere, from the adult children feeling overly criticized or controlled, to poor boundaries, to disagreements about modern vs old-school parenting/marriage/values.

Navigating these conflicts well is crucial, but the real work is done much, much earlier.

Reem Raouda, a Certified Conscious Parenting Coach and researcher, recently wrote about her observations after working with over 200 different families. She says the foundation for a good parent-adult child relationship begins in the early years.

Parents who are successful in this area do seven things early on when their kids are young. They're actually much harder than they sound.

parenting, motherhood, fatherhood, moms, dads, babies, family, loveA good relationship with your adult children starts here. Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

Let them know their feelings matter

You know the classic "husband mistake" where he wants to fix all his wife's problems instead of just letting her vent? Yeah, parents do that, too. As protectors and teachers, we rush to fix or offer solutions but often fail to acknowledge our kids' feelings. Raouda says making your children feel understood is a key building block to your relationship several years down the road.

Choose connection over control

Fear can be useful if your goal is to make sure your children do all their chores and never misbehave in front of you. But it's not going to serve your relationship into their adult years. A gentler approach based on listening and empathy, and one that deprioritizes obedience, is the better longterm strategy.

"When kids feel emotionally secure, they continue seeking your support well into adulthood," she writes.

Give them a voice in their own life

We try to do this as often as we can, so I know exactly how hard it is. Take summer camps — what I want to do is sign my kids up for the things I think will be good for them and the camps that will work well for my schedule. But they may have totally different ideas. Making space for what they want is time-consuming and annoying (they don't want to go to camp at all, or they want to go to a camp that doesn't exist), but is hugely important in giving them agency.


kids, sports, dads, fatherhood, fathers, children, teens, familyDon't force your son to play football just because you love it.Giphy

Own your mistakes

This is a huge one, but very difficult to do! A lot of parents are too proud to apologize to their own children or they think it undermines them. It's difficult because when you treat another adult badly or say or do something you regret, you know you're going to have to apologize — but children can't hold you accountable in the same way. You have all the power and no one is going to make you say that you're sorry. But it's such an important lesson for them and it helps them see that your relationship isn't just about power.

"Children raised in homes where accountability is the norm don't fear making mistakes. Instead of hiding their struggles, they trust they can come to you without shame," Raouda says.

Make quality time together a daily habit

In one of my favorite articles, The Myth of Quality Time, Frank Bruni argues that it is impossible to create quality time. You can't schedule a big heart-to-heart or map out exactly when and where you and your child will open up to each other and share a moment. These things happen naturally and organically to people who spend a large quantity of time together. Get used to actually spending time together and it will pay off down the road with stronger connection.

Let them be themselves without judgment

We've all heard of the dad who forces his kids to play sports because that's what he wants them to do, or the mom who makes her daughter follow in her gymnastics footsteps. As you can imagine, your children will be much more comfortable around you as adults if you encourage their uniqueness and support them as they follow their own paths.

"When kids grow up feeling accepted," Raouda writes, "they won't have to choose between being themselves and staying close to you.

Protect the relationship over being right


kids, parenting, parents, moms, hug, love, family, relationshipsIt's OK to admit when you're wrong. In fact, it's critical. Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash

It's hard for adults to admit, but sometimes kids are right! You can probably bulldoze over them when they're young, but you're much better off allowing them to have a somewhat equal voice in your relationship. As Raouda says, "When kids know they can express themselves and still be loved and respected, they grow into adults who trust the relationship rather than fear it."

Other experts have written about this conundrum at length. One of the most counterintuitive pieces of advice is to not center your whole world around your children.

For all the effort that we want and need to pour into our relationships with out kids, it's ironically incredibly important that we have other things going on. After all, if we don't show them what a full life is supposed to look like, how are they supposed to create one?

Psychologist Henry Cloud writes: "A child needs to internalize a model of someone who has a life of her own. The parent whose life is centered around her children is influencing them to think that life is about either becoming a parent or being forever served by a parent. Let your child know you have interests and relationships that don’t involve her. Take trips without her. Show her that you take active responsibility in meeting your own needs and solving your own problems."

Unless, of course, you really do want them living at home and mooching off of you forever. But let's be real, that's probably not as great as it sounds.


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Parenting

Someone filmed unsupervised young girls and boys for five days and revealed exactly what happened

This is what kids really do when no one is watching.

Photo credit: Canva

Experiment of boys and girls left unsupervised return eyeopening results

In 2016, Boys Alone (Social Experiment Documentary) took 10 boys ages 11-12 and left them unsupervised in a house for five days. Before the boys were left alone they were given cooking classes and other life skills lessons to give them all a more even starting ground.

They repeated the social experiment with girls in Girls Alone (Social Experiment Documentary). The girls are given the same life skills lessons as the boys before being left to their own devices for the better part of a week. Both groups of children were left with cameras watching their every move as adults monitored from outside of the home. But there was no interference and when the camera crew was present they did not interact or attempt to parent the children in any way.

Recently clips of these experiments resurfaced on social media when a guy with the username Mr. Cult Daddy uploaded it to share with his 508k followers. His condensed version of the clips along with his commentary gave viewers a quick overview of the vastly different results.



@mrcultdaddy

Replying to @mrcultdaddy In contrast, the girls displayed more responsibility and cooperation. They created a chore chart, divided up tasks, and took turns cooking meals. They even organized a DIY beauty salon to cheer up a girl who was feeling down. While the girls had some disagreements, they handled them more maturely and left the house in a clean and orderly state. The experiment showcased a sense of teamwork and care, unlike the boys' experience​ #boysvsgirls #patriarchy #psychologyfacts #greenscreenvideo

"Imagine this, 10 boys all from the ages of 11 and 12 were put into a house with no adult supervision for five days. And if you heard me say that and thought to yourself that sounds like a total 'Lord of the Flies' situation, you're not wrong because it did not take long for them to completely descend into chaos," the creator shares.



Boys playing, boys, children, unsupervised kids, parenting, modern parenting shallow focus photo of boy in red crew-neck T-shirtPhoto by Tolga Ahmetler on Unsplash


He explains that the boys essentially destroyed the house by drawing on the walls, flipping furniture and "trashing everything." The boys didn't use their new cooking skills, relying solely on snacks and sodas. Eventually the chaotic fun turned into power struggles, breaking into different groups fighting each other, even tying someone to a chair.

"But what's interesting about this whole thing is just how quickly their social structure that they developed just completely fell apart. What started out as excitement turned into isolation depression," the man says.

The TikTok creator jumps into sharing the commentary from others around the societal expectations of boys being able to get away with more which people feel had an impact on the way these boys behaved. On the flip side, the girls experiment had wildly different results. The girls were the same age as the boys but instead of immediately descending into chaos, they actually worked together.

One commenter writes about the boys, "Grown men live like this too. It’s not an age thing," with another person saying, "That’s the least shocking outcome ever."



kids, children, unsupervised children, parenting, modern parenting, parenting advice, parenting hacksTeens playing table tennisPhoto by Nima Sarram on Unsplash


"As we know the boys descended into chaos relatively quickly so you might say to yourself, 'oh we can expect the same things from these girls,' no. From the start the girls organize themselves. They made a freaking chore chart, took turns cooking, cleaning. meals were planned, they didn't just survive off the snacks like the boys did. They really created this team," he shares.

The girls also painted on the walls but it was productive paintings like murals and not painting to make a mess. Evidently the girls all worked together and provided each other emotional support according to the creator. They even cleaned the house before they left. It would seem that people in the comments were not at all surprised by the stark contrast between the girls and boys experiment.

One woman tells the creator, "by 12 I could have run a whole household."

"I think it's probably 15-20% prefrontal cortex and 75-80% conditioning. I was expected to wash the dishes every night by myself from a young age while my male sibling went to bed. I was made to do his homework, even tho I was 2y younger, so he'd have free time to "be a typical boy." I'm the reason he passed elementary school, but I refused after that and his grades crashed," another woman reveals.



children, raising children, unsupervised children, parents, parenting, modern parenting two girl in pink and green shirts sitting on wall shelfPhoto by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash


"I think it shows the difference in raising. Girls are taught to behave, be smart. Boys tend to be spoiled by moms and dads. They don’t usually receive the learning of being nice, cordial," someone else shares.

"It's conditioning (at least 80%) my brother is 9 years older and I had to teach him how to do his own laundry when I was 14 (he was ripe ol' age of 23) bc my mom taught me from a young age and didn't," one commenter explains.

While many people agree that the culprit is social conditioning combined with brain development while others pointed out that it may simply be American culture. That also likely plays a large role in the outcome of these experiments, but what do you think? If the experiment was completed again today, would the results be the same?

You can watch the entire boys experiment here and the girls experiment here.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Dad's 7-week paternity leave after birth of second child changes his entire parenting outlook

"These past seven weeks really opened up my eyes on how the household has actually ran, and 110% of that is because of my wife."

@ustheremingtons/TikTok

Dad's paternity leave was eye-opening.

Participating in paternity leave offers fathers so much more than an opportunity to bond with their new kids. It also allows them to help around the house and take on domestic responsibilities that many new mothers have to face alone while also tending to a newborn. All in all, it enables couples to handle the daunting new chapter as a team, making it less stressful on both parties (Or at least equally stressful on both parties. Now that's equity!).

TikTok creator and dad Caleb Remington, from the popular account @ustheremingtons, confesses that for baby number one, he wasn’t able to take a “single day of paternity leave.” This time around, for baby number two, Remington had the privilege of taking seven weeks off (to be clear, his employer offered four weeks, and he used an additional three weeks of PTO).

The time off changed Remington’s entire outlook on parenting, and his insights are something all parents could probably use.

dad, baby, parenting, paternity leave, fatherhood, parenthoodBaby sleeping in Dad's arms.Image via Canva

“It's unfortunately the end of my maternity —ahem— paternity leave,” Remington quips at the beginning of his video via voiceover. “I only joke because my wife is truly the man of the house. And call me what you want, but I am totally okay with that.”

He then shares that after getting to spend quality time with his family to create precious memories—losing track of time to “watch ants cross the sidewalk,” for instance—he feels “guilty” about not doing so with their firstborn.

“[It] made me realize how many of those small moments I missed out the first time, but I'm looking past that guilt and grateful that I had some time to make it up,” he says.

You’ll notice that during this entire video, Remington is also doing chores. Sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, washing dishes, wiping the countertops…you get the picture.

@ustheremingtons

I (caleb) am getting ready to go back into work and i am not ready. Grateful for my four weeks plus 3 weeks of PTO, but i feel like we were just getting into a groove and i was finally getting to have some 1 on 1 time with my son. Picking up the house today because we all function better with a clean space and we haven’t had time to do much of it while surviving these past 7 weeks. I do work from home and find that I have a little more flexibility in helping out here and there but i am also pretty glued and have to be zoned in during work hours. I do however have some pretty awesome and understanding coworkers and company!Shout out to @SAMBAZON Açaí 👊 Tiff is an all star: working and stay at home mom. I am dedicated in doing better to help balance more of the domestic responsibilities. #paternityleave #dadtok #dadsover30 #dadlife #fyp #foryoupage #ditl #ditlvlog #maternityleave #newbornlife #newbornbaby #secondbaby #2under2 #toddlerlife

Why is he doing this? His wife, aka “the lady with the milk bags,” has been so stressed with the house being messy that Remington decided to focus on doing all the house cleaning so that she could spend time with the kids.

Doing his fair share of the domestic labor is something Remington admits to failing at their first time around. Spending seven weeks taking on more responsibilities, however, opened his eyes to the fact that what he previously saw as doing his “fair share” was actually doing “the bare minimum.”

cleaning, housework, parenting, parents, chores, kidsFor some households, one's fair share can be the bare minimum.

“It has taken multiple conversations—and many ongoing ones—to truly master how to take on more of the mental load of raising children, growing our marriage and taking care of our investments like our home,” Remington shares, noting that communication really is key.

Lastly, Remington reflects on how the emotional turbulence of being new parents challenged his relationship, even though he and his wife were good communicators and aware of how much effort would be required.

“I honestly hated how much we fought, how much I felt misunderstood, and how much I misunderstood her…so now as second-time parents, I feel like we're a little bit more prepared. Prepared in how we talk to each other, prepared in how I balance work, life, and personal life, and prepared to just let things go,” he says. These are definitely valuable insights for anyone navigating baby number one. Or number five, for that matter.

Remington’s story stands as a great example of just how beneficial paternity leave can be. It offers priceless bonding time, an equal balance of responsibilities, and more time for much needed reflection as parents begin a pivotal new chapter in their lives. What's more, research has shown that paternity leave can actually aid Dad's brains in adapting to parenthood, according to Harvard Business Review.

Today, things have slowed down and revved up as both Remington kids are a little older. What hasn't changed, though, is what everyone learned from those seven weeks of paternity leave: having time to be with one's family, especially during crucial moments of growth and hardship, can make a world of difference. And, one thing's for sure: the Remingtons are committed to figuring it all out with love and grace (and it looks like they're doing great).

@ustheremingtons

Send us all the Bend, OR fooddddiee spots please! Little roadtrip to the mountains so our babies can enjoy the snow 🫰#roadtrip #bend #bendoregon #familytime #familyfun #snow #snowday #toddlerhood #toddlerlife #momanddad #roadtrips #snowfall #fyp #relatable


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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