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Women's Health

Husband shares 'tips' for men with perimenopausal wives and it's totally spot on

"Any form of heavy breathing, particularly from the nostrils, is now out of bounds. Things like this could quite literally get you killed."

Perimenopause is not joke, but these tips are hilarious.

In recent years, the long-neglected period of female life known as perimenopause has finally gotten the attention it deserves. Menopause most people knew about. The decade or so preceding it, when women's bodies go haywire in a hundred different ways due to hormonal fluctuations, not so much.

You know it when you experience it, though. It's super fun playing a constant game of "Am I dying or is it just perimenopause?" Random symptoms ranging from the somewhat expected hot flashes and irregular periods to the totally unexpected insomnia, irritability, and itching all over just show up out of nowhere. Ten pounds move in like squatters in your mid-section, refusing to leave even when you try to kick them out. The body you've lived in for decades suddenly feels foreign and your brain feels like it's trying to reign in a tornado of physical, mental, and emotional upheaval.

perimenopause, menopause, mid-life, women's health, humorPerimenopause comes with all kinds of random symptoms.Photo credit: Canva

All of this is super easy for our families to deal with, of course. Ha ha.

While we women bear the brunt of the perimenopause bombardment, our loved ones do get hit by the shrapnel. And there's little question that our spouses get most of the collateral damage, which is why a husband's video with advice for men with perimenopausal wives is hitting home. The creator @mitch.little.academy explains that his wife is currently in perimenopause and he wants to share some tips that he's learned with his peers.

"Tip No. 1: Snacks. Don't be messing around with the snacks in the house," he says. "These are no longer yours. Your partner is very up to date with the snack inventory, and if there's one left in the fridge, this does not belong to you, for safety reasons."

@mitch.little.academy

Some tips for the blokes


Next tip: "You have to be quieter about everything that you do. Any form of heavy breathing, particularly from the nostrils, is now out of bounds. Things like this could quite literally get you killed."

"I suggest, if possible, thinking quieter is ideal," he continues. "Even sounds like blinking, which we didn't even know was a thing, is something that you should avoid doing or learn not to do."

He goes on to suggest that husbands "just say 'sorry'" upon waking, even if you don't know what you're sorry for, definitely don't tell her that your core temperature is "comfortable and ideal" when she tells you she's hot, and other such life-saving advice.

insomnia, irritability, perimenopause, women's health. spouseInsomnia and irritability aren't the best perimenopausal combo.Photo credit: Canva

The video is tongue-in-cheek, of course, but he does add a touch of seriousness, acknowledging that perimenopause genuinely is a lot to be going through.

"Did you [know] that suicide and divorce rates are at the highest for females between the age of 35 and 50?" he wrote on Facebook. "Perimenopause is an extremely tough time for a female. I'm no expert, but I'm learning. All I'll say is 'I hear you.' Maybe more conversations can help spread awareness."

Awareness is great, but so is humor, honestly. We have to be able to laugh at this wild stage of life, otherwise we'll cry. Perimenopausal women in the comments appear to agree, appreciating these "tips" for their hubbies:

"OMFG I can’t stop laughing, I’m 12 yrs (of hell) with this crap! Sending your partner hugs and please keep the awareness going, along with the humour!"

"Spot on!! Our marriage nearly ends nightly due to the opening and rustling of packets of food."

"Haha! Peeling paint with the snoring gets me. I'm laying there wide awake at 2 am thinking well I guess I'll get up and do some yoga or put a pillow on his face. Yoga is a better option, it's saved a life a few nights!"

menopause, perimenopause, women's health, women, spouseMenopause is on its way.Giphy GIF by Better Things

"For me it was loud chewing during dinner and the strapping of utensils on the dinner plate. The kids didn’t bother me but my husband…well poor man."

"You didn’t talk about the ear itching! Why didn’t You talk ABOUT THE EAR ITCHING! Now I need to yell at my husband because you missed the ear itching."

"Thank you! It is so recognizable. My husband is still the culprit I am extremely irritated by his behavior, which I never really bothered about before. I am already through pre-memopause and probably at the end, but I am still a volcano that erupts in the morning and at times I feel terribly unhappy. I am bothered by people in general and want them all to disappear.It is a bit less now that I am 60, but I can well imagine that women think about suicide and divorce during that period. I am glad that there is more openness and that it is taken seriously. Thanks again! Love your humor!"

"My husband will ask me do you love me or hate me today and I say no I hate you today but you’ve not done anything wrong it’s not you and he will say ok I’ll go out the back to play with the pigeons. You just have to be understanding about it. Good communication."

In all seriousness, perimenopause sucks. It's good for us all to have a sense of humor about it to ease the angst and pain.

via Scot Mulligan/Pexels
Beautiful photo of a Springer Spaniel

There's a famous novel called The Dogs of Babel. In it, a husband is distraught after the unexplained death of his wife, and spends the entire novel trying to extract information from the only witness to her final moments — their dog. It's heartbreaking and funny and incredibly poignant.

However, it may not be realistic. And that's because when you get down to it, dogs are actually quite bad at keeping secrets. One hilarious viral story shows exactly why.

Jinky, the Springer Spaniel, has his own social media page, where his doggie parents document his beautiful life in Yorkshire, England.


As the photos suggest, he loves playing in the mud. Springers are active, love the great outdoors, and are known for having a lot of energy.

Recently, Jinky’s mom took him on a walk during a loose-leash training session when he took an unexpected turn that revealed where his doggie daddy had secretly been taking him. Loose-leash training is a method trainers use to teach dogs to walk on a leash with some slack without pulling or going after other dogs.

Here’s the big reveal that got daddy in the dog house. Jinky's mom captioned the video:

"POV: you walk the dog the day after your husband did and now he's dragging you into the village pub..."

Cover blown!


After Jinky turned to walk into the village pub as if he had done it a million times before, the wife thought it was hilarious and asked her husband to let her know she was on to him.

"It was really funny," she told Newsweek. "I sent the clip straight to him."

The clip was quite a hit on Instagram, where it has been seen over 5 million times and has over 200,000 likes. Many of the commenters suspected that there were many great friends and treats inside the pub, and that’s why Jinky wanted to go back.

"My spaniel nearly breaks the door down for the pub, is v embarrassing ... but they do give extremely good treats so can’t blame him wanting to go in"

"My dog does this with yoga studios, she knows where the good pets are"

"But mum, the ‘ave footy on telly and all the lads are there!"

"Come on man, don't be a snitch," one user joked.

Others thought the wife should have let Jinky into the pub for a pint or two.

"Go on lad get him a **** pint"

"I mean as long as he’s got the first round…"

"Let the lad have a pint," another joked.

"My friend's dog does this, drags me to all the pubs, even if they're closed," another user added.

Dogs have a fantastic memory, but it works a little differently than ours. Their long-term memory is surprisingly good, but is heavily tied to the associations they make with people, places, and things, according to PetMD. The Instagram theories are probably correct that Jinky associates his visits to the pub with lots of treats, cuddles, and yummy smells. Research shows dogs can remember people, places, and smells for years and years — so it's unlikely Jinky will be able to pass that pub without wanting to go in anytime soon!

Which, of course, is great news for Dad on their walks.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.


Humor

Mom shares the nightmarish 'doll' her 5-year-old sleeps with every night

The monsters won't be bothering her, that's for sure.

By Universal Pictures - Fair use & Canva Photos

A 5-year-old is going viral for sleeping with a horrifying Chucky doll every night.

Almost all kids will sleep with a comfort item like a lovey, stuffed animal, or special blanket for the first few years of their life. The official name for them is transitional objects. They've been shown to bring comfort to kids who form a strong attachment to them, and this process is extremely healthy and promotes good self-esteem in growing kids while fighting off separation anxiety. So, there's nothing wrong if your kid wants to keep snuggling his favorite stuffy for years and years! Many adults still keep theirs from childhood, too.

The attachment can be incredibly powerful. Some kids rotate through a roster of different stuffed animals, picking a new one every night, but some absolutely can not spend a moment apart from their favorite transitional object. For my kids, it's always been loveys (half stuffed animal, half small blanket). Other kids might make more, uh, non-traditional choices.

One little girl is going viral after her mom shared a video of her snuggling the most nightmarish, horrifying doll you could possibly imagine: Chucky, of Child's Play fame.

kids, moms, parenting, parents, children, funny, humor, chucky, child's playShe doesn't just snuggle Chucky; she sleeps with the most terrifying version of him!By SYFY - Fair use

Katelyn McCormick-Nevin works in special effects makeup, so her daughter Georgia grew up being around scary things all the time. The family would particularly go all out for Halloween, McCormick-Nevin told Newsweek, but mom was always cooking up some kind of gruesome design or another year-round. Georgie grew up loving famous horror characters like Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers, to name a few.

But McCormick-Nevin just had to share Georgia's current attachment with the world. So, she took to TikTok and posted a clip:

"Is there any other 5 year old girl in the world that sleeps with a life size Chucky Doll?? Or is it just mine ..." she captioned the post.

In the clip, Georgia can be seen snuggling not just a realistic Chucky doll, but the most horrific version of Chucky. This is Chucky toward the end of the movies when he's been battered and beaten and has finished hacking up a bunch of the protagonists. Just see his bloody, nightmarish face for yourself:

@katelynnevin

The other Teddy’s sitting there like 🤨🤨 #fyp #foryou #daughter #babytok #trending #viralvideos #weird #obsession #Chucky #chuckydoll #dolls #stuffedanimals #abcxyz #xyzabc #momsontiktok

Despite Chucky's appearance, Georgia isn't fazed. The video shows her sleeping peacefully, knowing she's safe next to the fictitious vicious murderer.

The short clip was viewed nearly 800 thousand times, and commenters were endlessly tickled by Georgia's choice:

"At least you know she’s protected when she’s sleeping"

"he makes her feel safe and she knows no monster is a match. Love it"

"I used to ask for a Chucky doll when I was little, would always get told I’d get one but nobody ever got one for me :(. Your daughter is living my younger dream"

"That kid has no fear"

A few commenters had jokes:

"Then you hear: Mommy Chucky says he doesn't like you"

"She'll scare [off] robbers ... robber be like: 'Heck nah, nope nope, we're leaving'"

kids, moms, parenting, parents, children, funny, humor, chucky, child's playChucky says goodnight.SYFY via Giphy

The five-year-old isn't the only kid to choose an unusual or even bizarre transitional object.

There are no rules as to what will bring a child comfort. These objects don't even need to be soft or cuddly! Kids have been known to cling to water bottles, old cell phones, silverware, and even dead bugs. Once the emotional imprinting happens and the object begins to ease their separation anxiety, the bond is formed.

As for why a kid would choose something so objectively frightening, who knows? I wonder if it's the same reason some kids are fascinated by roadkill and graveyards—it's a way of facing their fear of death or monsters or uncertainty. In Georgia's case, it sure helped that she has a mom with a flair for creepy visual effects. Commenters on the post shared that their own kids had morbid tastes, too, choosing to sleep with dolls like Pennywise the clown or the ever-creepy Annabelle.

Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night!

Canva

A toddler pretends to be a doctor with her doll.

Kids say the darndest things. And sometimes, what they say is truly, brilliantly bizarre. It's too bad we can't go back in time to recall what kind of fun madness circled through our minds as children, with our synapses firing on all cylinders. Just the role-playing alone could take hours, exclaiming, "I'm a kitten! I'm a princess! I'm a doctor!" Our bodies might have been small, but our minds were truly wonderlands.

Speaking of doctors, comedian and mother Kelly Vrooman (@Kellyvrooms on TikTok) has been posting hilarious clips reenacting the nutty things her toddlers say as if their ideas were totally sensible. (And who's to say they aren't?)

In one such clip, she acts out a story as originally told by her four-year-old pretending to be a doctor with "very bad news."


@kellyvrooms

Dramatically acting out real things. My four-year-old says. For better or worse, I lick a rock in this one. #parenting #motherhood #comedyvideo #humor #momsoftiktok #parentsoftiktok

The clip begins with Kelly sheepishly walking around with a giant pink plastic ring on her finger, reminiscent of a prize one might win at an arcade. She declares, "I'm wearing a ring because…I'm a girl T-Rex."

It then cuts to her wearing a stethoscope and running to the camera, while theatrical music underscores her every move. "You have blood coming out your skin," she says dramatically. "I'm your doctor, let me look in your ear." She "checks" the ear and forlornly reveals, "You have a broken arm. And you're gonna have to wear a cast. And never move it again."

doctor, roleplay, stethoscope, kids, gifTeddy Bear doctor uses a stethoscope on a cat.Giphy

She waits a beat, and as if she'd completely forgotten her last sentence, says, "I'm gonna go check on something." But before she gets up, all of a sudden, she's holding a baby doll. "But you take care of your baby. Please! It's a very…born…baby." She then proceeds to immediately chuck said baby off to the side.

baby, doll, roleplaying, toys, kidsA baby doll with a pink hat lies on the floor.pxhere.com

She stands up and walks to a door before turning back with an intense stare. "Wanna go on a trip with me? I'm going to…Pennsylvania." The music swells. And just like that, as though the entire conversation never existed, we now see Kelly outside holding up a huge rock. "I just want to eat a real rock," she says, and then comes the big dramatic ending. She licks the rock…ya know, like one does.

This clip alone has over half a million likes and 4,000 comments, full of support and stories about bizarre things viewers' own kids have said—and some of them were equally as hilarious. One TikToker writes, " I throw my patients to the side when I think about Pennsylvania, too!" Another is thrilled that they're seemingly not alone. "LMAO. This lets me know my child is not broken." A few commenters insist the reenactment reminds them of the TV show Grey's Anatomy.

And if that wasn't all exciting enough, an actual nurse backed up the diagnosis. " So uh, I’m not a doctor or anything, however, I am a nurse practitioner and well…that assessment was on point. I will be changing the way I perform assessments from now on."

Kelly has lots of similar and equally adorable posts, including a recent one where her three-year-old makes up a story about a dog becoming a cat. In a different clip another child shares this bit of wisdom: "We are all farm animals. You came to a farm. And you're a chicken."

@kellyvrooms

You’re a chicken! Kids give the best excuses and insults, so take notes. #excuses #yoga #funparenting #parentinghumor #momhumor #momsofpreschoolers #momsoftoddlers #actingchallenge

Wiser words may never have been uttered. Leave it to a five-year-old.

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