Do you know what's worse than babies with blowout diapers? Not having a safe place to change them.
The lack of changing stations is a struggle for moms as well, but I'm here to share the fatherhood side of the story. And as a dad with two young kids under the age of 5, I know this all too well.
I remember taking my 2-year-old daughter out to lunch while my wife and our oldest daughter enjoyed a mani-pedi day.
This particular establishment had a great kid's menu, and my daughter was enjoying herself immensely. But then it happened.
My non-potty trained 2-year-old looked up at me and said, "Daddy, I have poo-poo."
"No problem, I got this," I smiled. Off to the men's restroom we went.
No changing station in sight.
"Well, maybe they have a family restroom instead," I thought.
Nope, they didn't.
At that point, my kid was quite fragrant. I was about to call Terry Crews to handle the intense odor if I couldn't find a place to change her ASAP.
Terry knows how to handle odor. GIF via Old Spice.
Finally, I asked an employee if a changing station existed anywhere in the restaurant.
"Yes, we have one in the women's restroom," she replied.
"I need to change my daughter's diaper," I said. "Can I go in there (the women's restroom)?" She left to ask the manager, and instead of waiting, I just paid our bill and changed her in the backseat of my SUV.
This diaper crisis isn't new to fathers.
One celebrity dad ranted about it recently, and other everyday dads like me deal with this on a daily basis.
My thoughts during an interview on the lack of changing tables in men's restrooms. GIF from California Senate Democrats/YouTube.
We can do better.
Here are three simple reasons why we need to change the whole men's room diaper setup.
1. It's sexist.
First, let's identify the real enemy here.
If an establishment chooses not to have any changing stations in their restrooms, that's 100% fine by me. Although I'm a parent, I'm not naive enough to believe every business needs to be kid-friendly. Heck, when I have a rare "grown folks only" moment, there are places I enjoy visiting just because they don't cater to children.
The source of my ire stems from the businesses that consciously decide to add changing stations in women's restrooms but don't do the same in the men's restrooms.
We're not just talking about businesses that were built in the 1950s, either. Many of them are brand spanking new and still have no place for dads to change their kids' diapers. It sends the damaging message that it's women's work, and that couldn't be further from the truth.
Can you imagine what the meetings must've been like when the decisions were being made to put changing stations in women's restrooms only?
GIF from "The Tonight Show."
What about single dads? Gay dads? Dads who are out by themselves and have no choice but to change their babies on the grimy public restroom floor? This happens a lot.
Moms don't like it either. Nonsense like this sets them back 50 years. Enough is enough.
2. It's a really bad look for business owners.
Again, we're not talking about the businesses who unapologetically choose not to cater to children. We're talking about the ones like the restaurant I visited that had a kid's menu but no changing station available for dads to handle diaper business.
Don't be surprised if the government gets involved. It happened recently in California with the Potty Parity for Parents Act championed by state Sen. Ricardo Lara, a Democrat. The 2014 bill required a changing stations in men's restrooms if stations existed in adjacent women's restrooms. At the very least, family restrooms needed to be accessible to both men and women.
Seems like a no-brainer, right? The bill passed out of the General Assembly with a bipartisan vote of 56-8. There was even a big press conference with Lara and other parents discussing the importance of this legislation.
I gave my two cents to the audience about the importance of this legislation. Image courtesy Doyin Richards.
Sadly, California Gov. Jerry Brown vetoed the bill citing it as a "private sector" issue, disappointing many Californians in the process. For the sake of parental equality, hopefully other legislators will pick the ball up that Brown dropped.
And for those who believe this shouldn't be legislated, remember 25 years ago when people used to be able to do this on commercial airplanes?
Smoking on planes? That's not going to fly these days. GIF via "The Carol Burnett Show."
That looks like the craziest thing ever now, and if we relied on the private sector to solve the problem, you better believe people would still be lighting up at 30,000 feet today. Sometimes you have to legislate common sense in order for progress to occur.
3. This doesn't help create a world of good dads.
Good dads are going to change their kids' diapers no matter what obstacles are put in front of them. But why do these obstacles need to exist in the first place? In 2016 and beyond, doesn't it make sense for moms and dads to have places to do this? I've been known to call businesses ahead of time to ask if changing stations exist in men's restrooms before I take my kids there, and it's an unnecessary hassle.
With racism, poverty, global warming, and other important items to deal with, I'm sure there are some people who believe, "Aren't there bigger problems to focus on than changing stations in men's restrooms?"
Maybe.
But when a man's baby has a blowout diaper and there's no place to change said baby, there's no bigger problem in the world to him in that moment, I promise you.
Let's give a thumbs up to the businesses that understand that dads change diapers, too.
I'm always happy to see a changing table in men's restrooms. Image courtesy Doyin Richards.
Men who value fatherhood make the world a better place for everyone. We should make it easier for them, not harder.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."